We all know that honest, open communication forms the cornerstone of healthy relationships. While this is sometimes easier said than done, some smart strategies can help your communication along-if it’s not up to scratch!
If you’ve never heard of love languages, don’t worry, neither did we until a short while ago. The idea was initially popularized by relationship expert Dr Gary Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Lasting Love.
Published almost 30 years ago, this book serves as a guide for couples to discover, understand, and then talk using their partner’s ‘love languages’, considered the key to a happy and successful relationship.
Many relationship counselors and therapists employ the five love languages in their work with couples. Although they don’t always use that phrase exactly, it’s a framework through which they assist couples to understand one another more intimately – and, ideally, overcome conflict in relationships.
For those unfamiliar with the concept of love languages, Chapman theorizes that there are five basic ways humans display love in relationships, which can be summed up in a few essential actions:
- Words of Affirmation: Using affirmative phrases that make someone feel loved and secure. “I adore how you always make me laugh,” “I’m proud of you,” and “I’m the happiest when you’re around” are just a few examples.
- Acts of Service: Devoting your time to things that you know your partner would appreciate, such as filling up their gas tank, preparing a meal for them, and being ready to step in when they want assistance.
- Gifts: This isn’t necessarily about materialism but rather about expressions of affection. The best presents are those that are the result of thoughtfulness and effort.
- Quality Time: Time is precious, and it’s best spent with your partner’s complete, undivided attention, whether over coffee or watching a movie together.
- Physical Touch: Hugs, kisses, caresses, and other intimate touches that express love, capitalizing on human contact.
Technically, we “speak” all five love languages, but your dominant love language is the one that resonates the most strongly with you.
Now, let’s get to the exciting bit. Once you’ve familiarized yourself with this concept, continue reading to see how your love language relates to your sex life.
In the spirit of all things funn, we’ve compiled a list matching each of the classic love languages with the sex toy that best exemplifies each gesture.
Words of Affirmation
While considered the most popular of the love languages, “words of affirmation” generally require the most tact. Here, it’s more about the actual words than just going through the motions.
Verbalizing your thoughts and communicating about what you love about your partner’s body and how much they turn you on is a surefire way to engage this particular love language. This can also be a gateway to other…ahem…activities.
In that vein, we suggest giving CORA a try. Feel the rhythm as CORA thumps from within, your heart beating faster with each throbbing thrust of delight.
Whatever gets you off, this toy is sure to deliver! After delivering sensational performance in ten thumping and vibrating modes, you won’t just be affirming your ecstasy – you’ll be raving about your out of this world experience for days afterwards.
To be clear, “quality time” does not refer to the hours you and your partner spend looking at your phones on opposite ends of the couch. Quality is the keyword here. Instead of allowing your thoughts to wander during sex to frivolities such as walking the dog or wanting to go grocery shopping, focus on being present.
People can typically tell when their partner’s mind is elsewhere during sex, so forget about everything else and be present in the moment. Make eye contact with your partner, and take things slowly. Within that context, we offer a vibrator dedicated to ensuring that all of your time together is wonderfully enjoyable.
The Ultra Wand is an incredibly versatile and strong vibrator that can be turned up to be super powerful if that’s what revs your engine! The soft premium silicone, flexible head, and comfy handle will feel fabulous in your hand. Enjoy the targeted sensations from 10 vibration modes, which may be intensified by the boost mode at any time.
This is a perfect sex toy for couples to share – since you can take turns using the wand to stimulate your clitoris and other parts of your vulva, and your partner can use it on you or turn it on themselves.
It’s robust, waterproof, tons of fun, and allows you both to spend quality time discovering all of your sweet spots.
Acts of service
Though sex should ideally be reciprocal, you should occasionally devote yourself to fulfilling all of your partner’s sexual cravings. This might involve oral sex if that’s what they’re into, or just prioritizing their pleasure over yours (of course, only do what you’re comfortable with!)
If acts of service are what make you tick, you’re likely interested in a toy that will surprise and thrill your lover at every turn. Variety is often touted as the spice of life, and with 20 various vibration settings, our Funn beads are sure to please.
Made from body-safe silicone, these anal beads are super flexible and are perfect for first-time anal play since they’re equipped with a safety handle and are easy to remove.
The sensation of slowly pulling out a string of 4 graduated anal beads, combined with some deeply satisfying oral, is sure to make for an almighty release that’ll be hard to forget.
Okay, while this is pretty obvious, don’t think physical touch is purely a sex thing. It’s about all forms of contact (think a hug or a foot rub on a bad day, a hand on the knee when they least
expect it, a back massage). That said, the “physical touch” lover typically does feel that sex is among the most tried-and-true forms of intimacy.
It also goes without saying that the way you touch your partner can make a huge difference during sex. This lover typically savors foreplay, and when it comes to sex toys, they use them like a sexual Jedi.
So, if touch is your superpower, why not transform your finger into the ultimate pleasure instrument?
By harmoniously blending human interaction and electrifying vibrations, Dioni bridges the gap between technology and touch. Waterproof and wireless, this ergonomically shaped toy adds fun to sex and conveniently fits over your finger to provide targeted stimulation.
It’s hard to imagine being the type of person who dislikes gifts. However, for people who speak this love language, mementos or tokens are more important than gifts adorned with a beautiful ribbon.
The best part about this love language is that it’s mutually beneficial (think gifts that spice things up in the bedroom — seductive underwear, vibrators and blindfolds, or anything else that you think will get their pulse racing!)
When it comes to gift-giving, the Pirouette never disappoints! This vibe is a perfectly packaged present featuring 8 powerful rabbit vibration modes and 360º rotation technology. It has two motors targeting vibrations to your clit through the rabbit ears and G-spot via the internal vibrating shaft.
This means that there are literally a whopping 36 different vibration combinations! Truly a gift that keeps giving.
Feeling inspired for your next sexcapade?
While the five love languages may seem a bit out there to some of us, the ultimate message is to be present with your spouse and express what feels best for you.
You’ll rarely be dismayed if you follow that basic formula. Knowing and understanding your partner’s love language is the closest thing to seeing into their mind.
It’s a road map for determining how they prefer to offer and receive affection, helping you to better understand them on a profound level.
So, these holidays, rather than rushing to the closest store to buy a pre-made card or a random, last-minute gift, surprise them with something they love. You’ll definitely receive a bang (or 2, 6) for your buck!