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Sexting 101: Why You Should Be Doing It and How to Become Great at It

If you haven’t made the leap yourself yet, there’s never been a better time to get into sexting. The current need for social distancing and responsible isolation makes sexting an extraordinarily terrific way to keep the sizzle in your relationship if you can’t be together in person. Skillful sexting is a great skill to have under your belt anytime, though.

Learn it to get through the pandemic satisfied. Keep it going indefinitely to add an incredible new dimension to your relationship. Here are some tips to get you started. You’ll be sexting like a long-time pro in no time.

Why Learn to Sext?

Don’t make the mistake of thinking sexting is something only the tech-savviest people out there like to do. Sexting can add some serious heat to any relationship. Here are just a few reasons to give it a try.

  • It’s a powerful way to show someone you’ve been missing them and stay intimate when life requires you to be apart physically.
  • It makes for excellent all-day foreplay while one or both of you are at work.
  • If you’re shy, sexting can offer you a great way to explore, express, and discuss your fantasies with your partner.
  • Once you get the hang of things, sexting makes you feel fantastic – sexy, assertive, and desirable – so it’s great for your self-esteem.

A Quick-Start Guide for Newbies

Although there’s nothing wrong with making things up as you go along when it comes to sexting, everyone has to start somewhere, so don’t sweat it if it doesn’t feel like second nature right away. Once you get the ball rolling, a good sexting session tends to unfold pretty organically. The following cues are good places to start.

Reflect on a recent time you were together.

When you’re at a complete loss for ideas, this is a good go-to, as you already have something to go on. It’s also an honest, easy way to let your partner know what you love most about being intimate with them in person. If you’re looking to get your sext on with someone you haven’t been physically intimate with yet, laying out a few simple ideas about how you picture it happening is a good substitute.

Pay them a sexy compliment.

Everyone loves a good compliment once in a while and paying your partner a few of the sexy variety can be a great way to get a spicy long-distance exchange going. Tell them how hot you think they are when they’re naked or how amazing their skin feels when you’re cuddled up close in bed together. If they rock your world in the bedroom, let them know and follow up by telling them you’ve been thinking about how they handle you. Then take it from there.

Give them a little peek.

Sometimes a naughty little hint is all it takes to get a sext party started, especially if you float it out there as a preview of coming attractions to enjoy later on. Are you wearing something sexy that’s bringing out the vixen in you? Tell them, or – better yet – show them. Have you just scored a killer deal on some sexy new bedroom wear? Let them know and tell them how badly you want to model it for them later.

Tell them what you want.

Everyone has fantasies, and you likely have more than a few of your own that star your partner. Why not share a few? Not only will it make for some exceptionally titillating sexting, but it could lead to some spicy hands-on experimentation in the bedroom later on. Tell them what you wish they would do to you or what you’ve love to be doing to them. Tell them what goes through your head when you’re getting down and dirty with your favorite vibrator while missing them. Then enjoy every minute of what happens next.

You can also try prompting your partner to take the lead if you’re really too shy or nervous to start things yourself. Questions are a great way to do this. You can ask about anything from what they like best about hooking up with you to what they fantasize about when you’re not together.

Elevating Your Sexting

Once you get the basics down, great sexting is all about ensuring both parties involved have a fantastic time. The best way to do this is not to take the whole thing too seriously. Sexting should be flirty and fun – something to smile about, not treat like a job or a major responsibility. Do your best to keep things light-hearted.

It’s also best to be honest. Yes, you’re using your imagination and sharing fantasies, but make sure they’re fantasies you really do have. Don’t over embellish in the hopes of impressing them. Just be the sexiest possible version of yourself you can be.

Taking a Break from Dating: When Should You Do It and What Are the Benefits?

There’s a lot to love about dating, but it’s certainly possible to have too much of a good thing. You can get burnt out on dating to the same extent you can work, so it’s essential to know when it might be time for a break. (The search for love isn’t all there is to life, after all.) Here’s a closer look at the benefits of temporarily putting your love life on pause when you feel yourself getting frustrated with the whole process.

When Is It Time for a Break?

You don’t necessarily have to wait to feel fed-up with dating to take a break from it. It’s a good idea to know the signs that you’re overdue for one, though. They include the following:

  • Dating feels like a full-time job, a drudge, or a chore.
  • You feel like you keep dating the same unsatisfying types of people, and you’re over it.
  • You’ve just had your heart broken or suffered some other colossal disappointment.
  • Dating feels like it’s taking up all your time and getting in the way of other things.
  • You’re just plain sick and tired of doing the whole dance involved.

Dating and sex are supposed to feel fun, exciting, and enticing. If that’s not how they feel to you right now, it’s in your best interest to step back until they do again. In the meantime, you can enjoy perks like the following.

Falling in Love with Yourself Again

When you’re always focused on finding love with someone else, you forget how satisfying it can feel to love yourself. Maybe you’ve never really done that before. Whatever the case may be for you, a dating break is a perfect time to do some catch-up work in that regard and get to know yourself a little bit better.

Discover some new interests and dive as deeply into them as you like. Give that edgy new look you’ve been thinking about a try. Treat yourself to a new luxury sex toy and have an orgasm or two solely on your own terms for a change. Whether you have partners in your life or not, self-love of any kind is always a wise time investment.

Catching Up on Your To-Do List

It’s not that anyone plans on pushing certain aspects of life to the sidelines when they’re with someone. It’s just that dating takes up a ton of time and energy. Before you know it, you’re all wrapped up in it, and it’s been forever since you hung out with your friends or took on a personal project just because you wanted to.

Take a moment to consider what you’ve been neglecting to make more room in your schedule for dating. Get more involved at work and go for that promotion you’ve been dreaming about. Plan one of those dinner parties you used to love to have with your besties all the time. Redecorate your living room the way you’ve been meaning to and go hog wild with making it everything you want it to be. You get the picture.

Repurposing Your Disposable Income

Dating doesn’t just take a lot out of you mentally and emotionally. It can be pretty costly from a financial standpoint, as well. Even when you’re splitting the bill, all those restaurant dinners, movies, tickets, and cocktails add up after a while. Then there is the way the dates that don’t go so well wind up feeling like a colossal waste of money.

A dating break is a perfect chance to give your finances a little reboot. Save up the cash you’re not spending on all those outings for a rainy day. Alternatively, spend them on a bit of something you’ve been wanting and haven’t felt you could justify. One of the greatest things about single life is not having to explain yourself to anyone when you feel like treating yourself.

Finally Getting Your Mojo Back

No matter how tired of dating you are right now, there was undoubtedly a time when you felt utterly differently, even if it was way back when you first started. Do you remember the butterflies you’d feel when you’ve just had a fantastic date with someone genuinely interesting? How about the optimism you’d have when a relationship was working out, or the possibilities you’d imagine when locking eyes with a stranger from across the room?

Give yourself some time and space to reboot a little. Focus on other things you love about life for a while. Eventually, you’ll feel ready to get back out there again, and you’ll find yourself getting super excited for all those fantastic little meetings and occurrences. Everyone needs a break sometimes, and it’s incredible how recuperative those breaks can be.

Lying in Relationships: Why Do People Do It and How Concerned Should You Be?

Even though most people would say they believe you should never tell a lie when you can tell the truth instead, lying is a lot more common than you might think. Lying is a pretty deeply ingrained human behavior, with roughly 60 percent of people spouting untruths regularly. A dizzying number of people even tell a lie every few minutes, some without necessarily realizing it.

Of course, most of the lies people tell are trivial and relatively harmless. A few little white lies in relationships may even be preferable, as not everyone likes brutal honesty when it comes to hearing what their partner truly thinks of them. However, more significant deceptions are common enough to make understanding the reasons for lying important too.

Why Do People Lie?

There are as many different reasons someone might decide to lie to their partner as there are types of people in the world in the first place. Some of those reasons are innocent or even non-existent, as people do sometimes lie “just because.” Others are a lot more serious. Here are a few of the most common.

Cheating

With around 15-18 percent of married couples choosing to step outside their relationships sexually or romantically at one point or another, cheating isn’t necessarily the norm. However, it remains most people’s top concern as far as possible reasons a partner might be lying or sneaking around. The way modern technology tracks your every move makes it pretty hard to get away with cheating for very long these days, but there will always be those who try anyway.

Desire to Avoid Consequences

Even honest people don’t necessarily like to be held accountable for their actions and choices. People spend money they shouldn’t have, watch porn on the down-low, or perpetuate friendships with people they know their partner doesn’t like. Most think they have good reasons for not being honest about such things, but it’s more likely to be about not wanting to wind up in hot water if they can avoid it instead.

Self-Consciousness

People care what their partners or potential love interests might think of them. It’s why over 90 percent of people lie on their dating profiles to at least some extent. Most of these lies are insecurity-based, though, and relatively harmless. For instance, men may fudge the facts when it comes to what they earn or how tall they are. Women more commonly lie about their age or weight. Just about everyone bends the truth when it comes to topics like education, family background, and professional goals.

Family Ties

Family members can be sensitive topics when it comes to other people, but with spouses and partners, especially. Many families include people who are addicts, who are abusive, or who have cut ties with others in the family unit for various reasons. Someone in a relationship may lie out of embarrassment or out of a desire to protect their families from judgment.

To Avoid (or Cause) Hurt

Relationships can be complicated when it comes to concepts like hurt. Almost everyone can point to a time they told a little white lie (or maybe even a full-size falsehood) because they wanted to avoid needlessly hurting their partner’s feelings. However, it’s just as common for people who are hurt to want to hurt their partner in return. Lying serves both purposes equally well.

How Worried Should You Be About a Lying Partner?

No one likes to catch their partner in a lie, but it’s essential to realize that lying is part of human nature. Nobody’s perfect, your partner included. Everyone occasionally fibs, dances around the truth, or gives in to the temptation to lie by omission. However, there’s a massive difference between a little white lie told to spare someone’s feelings or avoid admitting to something embarrassing and a huge betrayal.

Relationships require openness and honesty if they’re going to stay healthy and happy, so no one should make a habit of lying or sneaking around when it comes to their partner. If you’ve caught your partner in a lie recently or suspect they might be lying to you about something significant, you’ll have to confront them – preferably with proof. If you’re trying to move forward after a past lie, there’s no shame in seeking out help via therapy or counseling.

Ultimately, lying crosses a line in a relationship when it’s so constant or so severe that it makes trust impossible, and no one should put up with being hurt or disrespected in their relationship. How serious a role does falsehoods play in your partnership? If something’s bothering you, don’t sit on it. Bring it up for discussion with your partner so the two of you can find a solution that’s fair, loving, and honest.

How to Master the Art of Playing Hard to Get

Playing hard to get is something just about everyone has been told to do when they want someone in particular to look their way. It’s not always clear what that means though. Figuring out how to do it right is even tougher to figure out, but it’s well worth your while to learn anyway.

When it’s done right, playing hard to get works like a charm for one simple reason. Whether they know it or not, people like to feel they’ve worked for what they have and that includes relationships or meaningful encounters with other people. There are even numerous studies out there that back up the theory that playing hard to get works. Here’s how to get it right.

Draw Things Out When It Comes to Sex

Sure, there’s nothing quite like a super-hot one-night stand when you’re looking to scratch that familiar itch. However, there’s a lot to be said for letting the sexual tension build over time and simmer on the back burner for a while, even if you’re ultimately only interested in something casual with the person.

Spend a little time getting to know each other – your likes and dislikes, your turn-ons and turn-offs. Fan the flames a little. You’ll enjoy the anticipation and waiting will give them something to look forward to. When you do finally have sex, don’t let it become part of your routine together right away either. Treat it like a special treat instead.

Don’t Shower Them With Attention

When you like someone, it probably feels like the most natural thing in the world to give them what they want. If they’re smitten with you, they want you all over them and you probably want to be all over them… but that’s not exactly playing hard to get. Resist that urge at all costs, but without swinging to the opposite extreme.

Yes, you’ll give the person your attention. You’ll flirt with them and you’ll share your little electric moments. However, the trick is to give them just enough attention to keep them interested and wanting more, but not so much they’re getting everything they want. Remember, successfully playing hard to get is about making the person work for it a little.

Don’t Be an Open Book Either

Everyone has a friend who’s in the habit of telling every potential partner their entire life story, usually within the first couple of dates. It’s hardly uncommon for people like that to have trouble landing more dates after that point and the reason why is obvious. No one wants to be flooded with information about someone the minute they start getting to know them.

A little mystery, on the other hand, goes a very long way. Yes, tell the person about yourself, but give just a little bit at a time. Let the person have the fun of wondering about you and getting to know you slowly, one nugget of information at a time. You should certainly save the truly personal things for later on in your relationship.

Maintain a Space of Your Own

People who are great at playing hard to get truly value their independence. They like seeing and talking to another person they might be interested in, but they’re not keen on being around someone 24/7. They’re especially protective of their living spaces and other aspects of their personal lives.

The idea is to let this person know you want them, but also to make it clear that you don’t need them to feel happy and fulfilled. Spend time alone doing the things you like to do and have your friends or family over as often as you normally would. If you do have the person over to your place, set clear boundaries and limit the amount of time they spend there. Letting them make themselves at home where you live is the polar opposite of playing hard to get.

Show You’re in Demand

Social proof is a very powerful thing when it comes to making someone want something. Again, people want what they can’t have, especially if they can see everyone else wants it too. Show them your time is valuable and that your life is full of other people who want to be part of it.

Go out with your friends. Have fun on the weekends. Continue to fill your free time with activities that you love. Do get together with the object of your affection when you feel like it. Don’t skip your workouts, nights out with your squad, or anything else you have going on to spend time with them.

Play your cards right, be patient, and it won’t be long before you find out just how well playing hard to get works when it comes to grabbing and holding someone’s interest. It’s all about playing the game the right way.

What to Do If Quarantine Has Changed Your Relationship

The pandemic has been hard on everyone in a variety of different ways. On many levels, it’s showing people what they’re truly made of and often for the better, but the opposite has been true as well. Quarantine was especially hard on relationships for one simple reason. Voluntarily spending a lot of time with your partner because you choose to is one thing, but being compelled to be together 24 hours a day is another.

Circumstances like those are bound to put a strain on even the best relationships, so if you feel like things just aren’t the same between you and your partner now that things are a little more relaxed, you’re not alone. Here are some tips for getting things back on track as you continue to adjust to current circumstances together.

Restore Balance to Your Lives

For some couples, quarantine wasn’t just challenging. It made them question whether they should even be together at all, so it’s understandable if you and your partner are currently going through something similar. Don’t be too hasty when it comes to throwing in the towel though. Sit down together and talk things out first. If you think a moderator would help, there’s no shame in considering counseling as an option.

Don’t feel obligated to spend more time together than feels comfortable at first though. Give yourselves and each other space to get back to doing things on your own again as well. Reflect on the things that have happened and consider where you’d like things to go next with your relationship. Then bring those insights up for discussion with your partner, as well as invite them to do the same.

Acknowledge What Occurred

A global pandemic and multi-month quarantine period aren’t normal occurrences by any stretch of the imagination. They’re certainly far from the typical stresses placed on a relationship, especially if one or both of you also lost your job as so many people did. Step back for a moment and acknowledge the magnitude of what’s happened before doing anything drastic.

It’s also important to understand that change comes with the territory when you’re in a relationship. Most people’s relationships underwent a few changes and adjustments. It’s how you and your partner respond to those changes (both as a couple and as individuals) that matters in the end.

Focus on Reconnecting

Once you’ve both had a chance to let the dust settle a bit, it’s time to look for ways to reconnect and rebuild the bond you once had. Set aside some time to get back to doing the things you used to love doing together. Recreate your first date or plan an activity that you haven’t had a chance to enjoy together in a while. Alternatively, this may be a wonderful time to come up with something new to get excited about doing together. It’s up to you!

Rekindling things in the bedroom is important as well, so take advantage of opportunities to bond in that department when they present themselves. Now is the time to allow yourself those extra-indulgent Sunday mornings in bed or the naked Saturdays you used to love. This is a good time to add some new things to your sexual routine as well. Think role-playing, erotic massage, or sex toys!

See Where You Stand

Eventually, the two of you will reach a place where you’re over the shock of how quarantine affected your relationship. Hopefully, you’ve also let go of the hope that your relationship will ever be the same way it was. That’s when it’s time to take a look at what you’re working with going forward and ask yourself some questions.

How do you feel about the ways your relationship has changed? Are these changes you can accept and move forward with into the future? If not, are there additional changes that could be made that would fix the issue? Are there any changes that could be viewed as blessings in disguise? Remember, it’s all about how you handle change that makes the difference.

Check in With Your Partner

Once you’ve figured out how you feel, talk to your partner about how they feel as well. Don’t simply assume they feel the same way you do about everything that’s happened. Ask them and do your best to accept what they tell you without judgment. Then move forward from there.

Relationships are always a two-way street with two people involved. Communication is important anyway, but it’s especially so when a couple’s just been through something challenging and stressful. Such occurrences are a part of life, so quarantine likely won’t be the last one you face together. However, now that you know how you deal with outside stressors as a couple, you know what you’re working with moving forward. Use what you’ve learned to grow stronger together, as well as separately.

Attraction and Other People: When Is It Cheating vs Good Clean Fun?

Every couple is different as far as what counts as cheating. For some, a partner simply being good friends with someone of their preferred gender is too close for comfort. For others, having casual sex with multiple other people is no big deal. All couples have defined boundaries they know not to violate, but there are always situations in life that can leave you wondering whether what you’re doing is cheating vs good clean fun.

So how exactly is anyone supposed to know when they’re crossing a dangerous line with someone they’re attracted to? When does it stop being harmless flirting and start being something to worry about? Here are a few tips for figuring it out.

When Are Harmless Fantasies Not So Harmless?

You’re in a relationship, not a convent. It’s the most human thing in the world to notice other people and to like what you see. It’s healthy to feel attraction to other people, as well as to entertain the occasion fantasy about someone else. You can rest easy in the knowledge that your partner does it as well and there’s nothing wrong with it on either end.

Fantasizing about something and doing it are two different things entirely. However, it’s possible for someone’s fantasy life to become obsessive and to perhaps be an indicator that things aren’t as they should be in their relationship. Occasionally fantasizing about Ryan Gosling while you enjoy a private romp with your vibrator is innocent enough. If you have trouble enjoying sex with your partner without imagining you’re with your hot coworker instead though, you might want to ask yourself why.

That said, fantasizing isn’t cheating. It’s healthy, clean fun, and can even be something couples learn to enjoy sharing. However, it shouldn’t consume you to the point where it’s getting in the way of your relationship or any other aspect of your life. If it does, ask yourself what the people in your fantasies have that your partner doesn’t. If you can identify what’s missing, you can open a discussion with your partner that might lead to a healthy solution.

What Is Micro-Cheating and Are You Doing It?

Even if certain things haven’t been expressly defined as cheating in words between you and your partner, you’re aware that doing them would cause trouble. Micro-cheating is not about those big things or even the grey-area things that make you wonder whether you should be doing whatever it is. Micro-cheating is the subtle stuff that seems harmless on paper, but that you know would probably upset your partner if they knew about it. The following are a few common examples:

  • Telling someone else you’re single when you’re not, especially if it’s so you can experience a bit of the single life again instead of simply fantasizing about it.
  • Going out of your way to text or instant message someone you find attractive, especially someone you could see yourself dating if you were single. Double especially if you hide it from your partner or know they would be upset but it if they found out.
  • Establishing or maintaining a deep emotional bond with someone else – a bond similar to the type you would have with a romantic partner.
  • Letting flirty moments that might otherwise be innocent go way too far. Sometimes people have zero intention of cheating but enjoy pushing interactions up to that point before backing off.
  • Making passes at strangers or otherwise making the first move in a flirty exchange with someone you don’t know. Being a bestie’s wing-woman is fine, but not if you’re using it as an excuse to get up close and personal with other people.
  • Being on a dating app for any reason, even if you’re just there to chat or are simply curious about who else might be out there. People in healthy relationships don’t generally feel the need to maintain accounts on Tinder or OKCupid.

Many actions like the above aren’t necessarily cheating in and of themselves, but they could be a sign that something’s lacking in your relationship. They could also eventually lead to the temptation to cheat if you’re not careful. Generally speaking, if you wouldn’t want your partner to find out about it, it’s probably micro-cheating. If you’re left actively questioning your motives for doing whatever it was, it’s a sign you shouldn’t have been doing it in the first place.

At the end of the day, cheating vs good clean fun isn’t about what your friends or the rest of society would say crosses a line. It’s something that either crosses the boundaries you’ve set within your relationship or otherwise breaks the trust you know your partner has in you. It’s not about having fantasies, noticing someone on the street, or having sexy dreams about someone else. How do you and your partner define it?

The Modern Woman’s Guide to Dating Multiple People at a Time

These days, sex and dating don’t have to be about traditional relationships or monogamy unless you want them to be. The world is filled with fun, interesting people who are well worth loving, so it’s understandable that you wouldn’t want to limit yourself to just one. There’s a fine art to successfully dating multiple people at once though. Here’s how you can do it without stepping on any toes along the way.

Figuring Out What You Want

First thing’s first. You need to be clear on what you are and aren’t looking for from a connection with another person before you get involved with anyone. Are you strictly interested in casual dating and no-strings-attached sex right now? Would you be open to a committed relationship if the right person came along? What do you need and expect from any partners you do get involved with.

It’s a good idea to think long and hard about why you want to date multiple people in the first place as well. If you’re doing it solely to prove you’re over someone else or because you want to boost your ego, it’s probably not a good idea. If you’re doing it to explore whether monogamy is even for you or simply because it feels like a good fit right now though, carry on.

Honesty Is Always the Best Policy

The days when there was only one “proper” approach to dating are over. Today, there are as many ways to enjoy love and sex as there are types of people in the world, so you’re free to make your own rules. Just make sure you’re honest with other people about where you stand and what you’re looking for.

If you’re already seeing other people at the time you start seeing someone new, tell them that. If you’re not looking for anything more than the occasional Friday night hook-up, tell them that too. If someone doesn’t care for being one of several people on your radar, they’re not the right choice for you anyway. Keep looking until you find someone who’s looking for the same things you are.

Safety Is Key

It should go without saying that unprotected sex is a no-no in this day and age. Responsible adults are not only conscientious about safety but insistent that anyone they sleep with is too. Have as much sex as you want with as many people as you like, but always use proper protection. No sex is so good that it’s worth risking a nasty STD.

And don’t ever count on the other person having protection. Always be prepared with some of your own. Don’t forget that options like condoms are good for more than just private parts either. You can slip them onto your favorite sex toy, like the FemmeFunn Cadenza, if you’re in the mood to share some good vibrations. This keeps things extra safe, hygienic, and responsible. It makes clean-up a little easier too.

In Case of Feelings

Be aware that sometimes things happen. You could be uninterested in anything serious one day only to see something extremely special in one of the people you’re dating the next – something that makes you completely rethink your stance on commitment. Alternatively, someone you’re seeing could develop deeper feelings for you. It’s a good idea to know what you’d do in both those situations.

Feelings on either end are a sign that it’s time to reevaluate things. Is the person in question someone you could see yourself with? If so, do you like them enough to drop the other people you’re seeing or does a polyamorous set-up sound better to you? Whatever you’re thinking, be sure to communicate it clearly with the other person so they know where you stand. Also, be aware that unreciprocated feelings for either person can complicate things, meaning it may be best to just end things.

Don’t Overextend Yourself

When you’re dating more than one person at a time and everything’s going better than you could have hoped, it might be tempting to say yes to every opportunity that comes your way. Be careful not to overextend yourself though. Even if you’re keeping things casual with everyone you’re seeing, for now, it’s important to treat people with respect.

No one likes feeling like they’re being canceled on in favor of someone else. Plus, while leaving your options open is freeing, juggling way too many people can be stressful and defeat the purpose.

If you’re an open, honest type who genuinely loves connecting with lots of different people, you may find you like adopting an open policy to your dating life to stick with it a while. Just stay communicative with everyone involved, as well as respectful of their feelings, and all will be well.

Is Ghosting Someone Ever OK?

You hear a lot about ghosting these days and with good reason. Not only do most people know what it feels like to be ghosted to one degree or another, but more than a few have at least considered doing the same to someone else. Despite how common it’s becoming, people know ghosting is considered a no-no, but should it be?

Yes, people like and prefer closure, but is it something they’re entitled to? Is ghosting justified in certain cases, and if so, what criteria make the difference? Like most things to do with sex, dating, or relationships, ghosting is more complicated than it seems. There are times it’s nothing short of unacceptable, but there are times you’re probably justified as well. The following are some good examples of both.

Are you in an established relationship?

Ghosting should never be used as the easy way out of a relationship that’s already been established, even if it’s a very new or non-exclusive one. If the two of you have mutually acknowledged that you’re in a relationship of any kind and you want out, you owe it to that person to let them know in no uncertain terms.

If you’ve never even met up or have only been on a one date without any discussion having been had about going on another though, ghosting is probably an option, especially if it’s pretty clear to both of you that there’s no chemistry or interest. A break-up isn’t necessary when there’s no relationship to end in the first place.

Are you likely to run into each other again?

This is probably the biggest exception to the above point. Did you have a one-night stand or a “moment” with someone you work with? Do they live across the street or happen to be related to a good friend? Do they work someplace you can’t (or don’t want to) stop going? Do yourself a favor and avoid ghosting them. At best, you’re going to find yourself in a majorly awkward situation at some point if you do.

If this person is truly unlikely to cross your path again though, you’re probably fine just not talking to them anymore. This is especially the case if you’ve yet to meet in person or this was a long-distance thing with someone who doesn’t even live nearby.

Have you learned something disturbing about them?

Sometimes someone seems great on paper, but there’s just something fishy about them you can’t put your finger on. Then one day, you finally find out what it is. Maybe it’s come to light that they’re a serial cheater or it’s gotten back to you that they have a history of violence, abuse, or criminal activity. You’re definitely within your rights to ask the person about whatever it is outright instead of simply listening to rumors, but you also have the right to simply bounce in the face of really bad news. At best, this is likely to be someone who attracts drama and life’s hard enough without that to deal with too.

The same goes for anyone who’s been unacceptably disrespectful to you. If someone’s deliberately offended you or treated you badly, you’re under no obligation to return their texts anymore, let alone give them any of your time. Smash that block button and don’t give it a second thought. Life’s too short to waste it around people who make you feel uncomfortable, disrespected, or upset.

Is there a chance you’ll change your mind in the future?

There’s one move that’s almost universally considered worse than ghosting someone in the first place – ghosting someone and then doing a complete 180 the minute it suits you. That said, it’s best to think of ghosting (if you decide to do it at all) as a permanent move after which you can no longer pass go. It’s especially bad if you make a habit of it and do it frequently, so no booty calls. Don’t hit the person up the next time you’re lonely or in need of an ego boost either, even if they make it clear they’re open to it.

If you do elect to ghost someone and realize you’ve made a terrible mistake, handle the situation with care. It might be best to simply let the person move on with the rest of their life without the pain of having to hear from you. However, a heartfelt apology may also be acceptable, so long as you’re fine with it not being accepted.

At the end of the day, it’s never a bad idea to err on the side of caution and be kind to other people, even if you don’t have to. It’s not required in every situation though and there are those where ghosting makes more sense. Just use your best judgment on a case by case basis.

Stuck Apart? Here’s How to Keep It Sexy

Whether you’re under quarantine apart from your partner thanks to the coronavirus pandemic or have been doing the long-distance thing for a while now, it goes without saying that it’s tough to be stuck apart. This is especially the case in the sex department, but not to worry.

You may be apart physically, but that doesn’t mean it has to feel that way when it comes to your intimate life, especially with modern technology in your corner. Here are a few ideas for keeping things passionately dirty when you can’t physically be with your partner.

Preparing for the Possibilities

Getting ready to indulge in some long-distance sex is a lot like getting ready to shoot a video blog, have a Zoom meeting with a client, or get serious about a selfie session. Setting matters, especially if you want to include video.

Give some thought to the potential scene of the crime, so to speak. Choose a spot in your home that’s comfortable and feels sexy to you, but that allows for a visually appealing view from your partner’s side of the equation. Add some special touches that help it look lush and sensual on camera.

You’ll want to make sure any tech you’ll be using is in good working order as well. There’s nothing worse than a webcam glitch or a laptop snafu at the worst possible moment when it comes to long-distance sex play. Be sure to triple-check the security of your online connection as well. Long-distance or otherwise, you don’t want a stranger getting a hold of any private footage.

Talking It Out

If you and your partner are committed or have otherwise been together a long time, then you probably have a pretty good idea already of how they’ll feel about what you’ve got planned. If not though, it’s probably a good idea to talk things over first, instead of simply springing a surprise cam show on the person the next time you make a Skype date to chat.

Ask them how they feel about giving long-distance sex a try. If they’re game, take turns suggesting things you each think would be hot. Would your partner like to see you all dolled up in something special (or vice versa)? Do you like the idea of watching each other play with toys? This is a great excuse to have a frank discussion about your fantasies and to explore new territory, so take advantage of it.

Easing into Things

So, you’ve set a date for doing the deed, and now you’re all set. You’re theirs, and they’re yours for the next couple of hours. What’s the best way to get started? You don’t have to launch right into a full-on striptease or anything right away (unless you want to, that is).

Break the ice with some casual conversation of the type you’d normally have so you can get nice and comfortable. If you like, you can let your partner watch you undress or sensually change into something sexy while you continue to talk to them about their day or anything else you like. Allowing them to watch you shower is another great idea, as is simply transitioning the conversation to sexier territory. The idea is to think of clever ways to break the ice and get them all hot and bothered at the same time.

The Art of Dirty Talk

Making your play sound sexy is just as important as making sure everything looks the part. It’s naturally even more important if you’ll be engaging in an audio-only session over the phone. Use your sultriest, most seductive bedroom voice. If you’re comfortable with dirty talk, feel free to fall back on your usual go-to moves.

If you’re new to talking dirty, you can wait to get into things until you’re genuinely aroused. Touch yourself a little, or let your partner watch you take your favorite luxury vibrator for a spin. Describe how good everything feels and talk about the things you’d be doing to them if you were physically in the same room together.

Find Your Groove

How the actual sex goes is completely up to you, but don’t be afraid to get creative. Use your hands if you like, but don’t be afraid to get a favorite toy involved. Make sure your partner has a good view of the action and vice versa. Then feel free to simply lose yourselves as you watch (and listen to) each other enjoy every moment, including your respective big finishes.

If you like, you can even save some recordings of your spiciest sessions to watch together in the future. Just be careful not to let the footage fall into the wrong hands and resist the urge to post it anywhere online. Long-distance sex is a fun, satisfying way to enjoy each other anytime you have to be apart. Make the most of it and enjoy it!

Ending a Friends with Benefits Relationship (Without Destroying the Friendship)

The more accepting people become of non-traditional ways to approach their sex lives, the more popular “friends with benefits” relationships get, and it’s not hard to understand why. A friend with benefits can truly give a casual dater the best of both worlds. You both get the sexual connection you’re after, but without the need to make a commitment you may not be ready for. Plus, you’re already friends, so you know each other well and genuinely enjoy each other’s company – a true win-win.

In other words, being friends with benefit is great… until things are no longer working for one or both of you. Going from “just friends” to “friends with benefits” happens naturally enough, but is there a graceful way to go the other direction? Actually, there is, but there’s a fine art to doing things properly.

Acknowledge Why It’s Ending

The reason why you’re looking to end the benefits part of your friendship definitely matters when it comes to how you should approach things. If you know you’ve both been thinking about moving on lately, hurt feelings are a lot less likely. The same goes for a situation where you’ve met someone or are otherwise ready to graduate to a more traditional dating life. In fact, you probably thoroughly talked through that possibility when you first went FWB, so it won’t be a total surprise.

Things get a little tougher when you’re looking for end things for a reason the other person might take personally. Are they starting to develop feelings for you? Have they been dropping hints that they’d like things to transition to a real relationship, and you’re just not on board? You’ll have to be super careful of their feelings if you’re serious about keeping the friendship intact.

Stress the Value of the Friendship

If this is indeed a non-mutual decision, it’s important to emphasize to your friend how much you value your relationship with them. Be kind, but honest. Let them know that you think it’s time for the sexual aspect of your relationship to end, and be straight with them as to why, especially if another person is involved.

Then follow up by making sure they understand that they were (and are) more than just a ready source of casual sex to you. Assure them that this isn’t personal, but about you being ready to adopt a more serious approach to your dating life. If they’re upset, allow them to fully respond to you, and be sure to listen like a friend would.

Prepare Them for Anything That’s Coming

Resist the urge to lie to your friend about why you’re looking to go back to being platonic only. This is your friend, so they deserve to be fully prepared for whatever’s coming next, and they deserve to find out what that is from you.

Consider how you would feel if the shoe were on the other foot. Would you want to find out your former friend with benefits is ready to get serious about someone else by suddenly seeing pictures of the two of them together on Facebook, or would you rather they do the mature thing and tell you themselves? Your friend almost certainly feels the same way.

Give Them the Right Amount of Space

Even if both of you knew this was a temporary situation, your friend may still feel hurt or like they’re being dumped. If you feel either of you could use some space to process any feelings involved, let them know. Don’t simply assume that’s the way they want it and stop calling them altogether.

Definitely don’t avoid your friend. Give them space if they need it, but don’t ghost them or go out of your way not to cross paths with them. Stick to your normal routine in the understanding that things might be awkward at first. Sooner or later though, strong friendships have a way of falling back into their old groove.

Stick to Your Guns

Be prepared to treat your decision as final. If you’re ending your friends with benefits situation because you feel like you’re ready to go back to dating, make sure that’s still what you’d want if things don’t work out the way you hope. Don’t expect to go back to the way things were with your FWB when a few bad dates or frustrating experiences sour you on the whole idea. That would be confusing and stressful for both of you, not to mention anyone else involved.

In other words, approach the situation with integrity and treat your friend with dignity. If your friendship is truly meant to make the transition in one piece, simply trust that it will, and let things run their course. You may be surprised at how quickly things get back to normal.

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