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6 Ways to Push Your Sexual Boundaries

Never make the mistake of thinking you and your partner need to be suffering through a dry spell or stuck in a rut to benefit from a bit of experimentation. Sex is an integral part of staying connected in any relationship. Making it a point to try new things once in a while keeps things fun, fresh, and red hot.

It doesn’t necessarily take a dramatic change for you to reap the benefits, either. The following are some practical but approachable ways to push your sexual boundaries and add a little oomph to your love play.

1.      Take turns exploring each other’s fantasies.

If you’re not sure where to start, this is an excellent place. Confessing a pet fantasy to a partner and listening to them do the same is an incredible way to build intimacy. It’s also a huge turn-on, especially if these are things, you’d typically keep to yourselves.

Declare a “no judgment” zone to keep things comfortable, and then take turns swapping fantasies. Make a list of the ones you’re both open to trying. Come back to it when you’re in the mood to be a little naughty or are in the mood to surprise a partner with a treat.

2.      Try some backdoor play on for size.

Anal play is already on the menu for lots of couples, but if you’re an exception, it’s something well worth considering. Your backdoor is packed with sensitive nerve endings that feel amazing when stimulated just right, and that goes for your partner, too.

If you’re comfortable trying full-on anal sex, more power to you, but keep in mind that there’s more to butt play than that. Anal toys or even your fingers are just as capable of introducing you to the magic. Just make sure you use plenty of lube if you’re planning anything penetrative.

3.      Start a shared toy collection.

Vibrators and other sex toys are, of course, phenomenal when enjoyed alone, but they can be just as world-changing when brought into the bedroom to use with a partner. Start with what you already have, experiment a little, and see how you like it.

If all goes well, consider starting a toy chest for the two of you to dip into whenever the mood strikes. Fill it with a wide variety of different options, and take turns suggesting new additions. Doing the actual shopping together can be super-hot, as well, so consider making it a team effort.

4.      Indulge your inner exhibitionist.

Although you definitely want to be careful not to get caught, getting a little naughty in public now and again is a great way to make sex more exciting. Thankfully, you don’t have to do anything too high-risk to get a real thrill out of the experience.

Drive to an out-of-the-way place, and channel your inner teenagers by having sex in the car. Experiment with a discreet remote-controlled sex toy one of you can wear and the other can operate without anyone nearby being any the wiser. Get frisky in your backyard or on your balcony after dark. Be as creative as you like! Your sex life will thank you for it.

5.      Schedule a “no clothes allowed” day.

Being naked is one of life’s simplest and most drastically underrated pleasures. Not only is it pretty freeing to spend a little time in your birthday suit now and then, but being naked with a partner is just plain sexy. The two of you get to drink up the sight of one another, as well as the feeling of each other’s skin, without necessarily having sex the whole time.

Try planning an all-day nude fest for a day you’re both free and can be sure you’ll have the place all to yourselves. Have sex as often as you like, and have fun hanging out in the nude the rest of the time. It’s so much fun.

6.      Dabble in some mild BDSM play.

You don’t need to go all-out with whips, chains, and the whole nine yards to get a jolt out of what BDSM brings to the table. Experimenting with concepts like submission, domination, role reversal, and orgasm denial isn’t just fun. It’s a terrific way to push your sexual boundaries together and discover some new scenarios you might both be really into.

Light spankings, temperature play, blindfolding, and mild restraint are all great places to start, especially if one or both of you are new to BDSM. Don’t ever spring something like this on your partner without discussing it beforehand, though. Consent is sexy, as well as an essential part of responsible BDSM play.

However, you and your partner choose to stay connected, a little sexual boundary pushing goes a really long way. Start as small as you like, and revisit the idea as often as you’re moved to!

A Quick Start Guide for the Anal-Curious

Anal sex has a reputation for being something men are super into but that women don’t enjoy. But, what if you’re different? What if you like the idea of bringing your back door into the mix and would love to give it a try? How can you be sure it’s something that’s truly for you, and where should you start once you do decide you’re ready?

Your anal area is packed with sensitive nerve endings that can add a lot to a play session when stimulated, but there’s definitely an art to getting backdoor play just right. Here’s a look at what any anal-curious pleasure seeker should know before deciding they’re all in, so to speak.

What to Know Before You Start

Even when you love the idea of backdoor play, it’s normal not to know exactly what to expect when you’re brand new to it. There are enough horror stories out there to give anyone pause, but you should know that they’re not the norm. Anal play may not be for everyone, but nothing about it is supposed to be unpleasant in any way. Here are a few facts to consider.

Anal sex is not going to stretch you out.

If you’re not used to them, the sensations involved in anal play – up to and including anal sex – can feel strange and unusual. Some of them can make you feel stretched or filled but know that anal play doesn’t “stretch you out” in any way. Your anal opening is strong, elastic, and resilient. It’s made to stretch to accommodate even a large bowel movement before bouncing right back, so trust that it can accommodate a finger, a toy, or a penis to the same degree.

It’s not supposed to hurt.

Anal sex only hurts or is uncomfortable if forced or otherwise approached incorrectly. It’s not supposed to be painful in any way, shape, or form. Make sure you’re fully aroused and comfortable before attempting anal play or backdoor sex. Also, use plenty of lube – preferably an ultra-thick formula designed with anal sex in mind.

Anal Sex can result in an orgasm.

Everyone’s different, so don’t sweat it if it never happens for you, but anal orgasms have been known to happen. This is an extremely nerve-rich area we’re talking about, so it’s definitely possible. Anal stimulation can also make the clitoral orgasms you may be more used to feel stronger and deeper.

How to Ensure a Pleasurable Experience

So, now that you know what to expect from your first experiences with anal play, it’s time to consider how to get started. It’s important to know that you don’t have to be interested in full-on, penetrative anal sex to benefit from backdoor play. Lots of people like it, but others prefer milder external stimulation or some combination of the two. Play it by ear, and keep the following tips in mind.

How clean do you need to be?

Some people do like to go the extra mile and give themselves a full enema to ensure they’re clean as a whistle before anal play, but this isn’t necessary. Some people may even find enemas irritate their intestines and sensitive skin. Do make sure you’ve had a bowel movement recently, and wash up a bit with some soap and water beforehand. Beyond that, it’s up to you.

Experiment on your own first.

Although it’s okay if you and your partner want to explore anal play together, many people find engaging in a little self-experimentation ahead of time to be useful. Try exploring the area with your fingers or a small anal-safe toy to start with. The Pyra is an excellent anal toy to start with. Experiment with both external and internal stimulation, so you get a feel for what you like. Use what you learn to communicate your way through an experience with a partner later if you decide to go that route.

Talk things through.

Whenever you’re looking to put something new on the table as far as your sexual repertoire with a partner, it’s essential to talk it out thoroughly first. Ensure they’re as excited about the idea as you are and that you’re on the same page about what to try. If you’re new to anal play, having a safe word is something to consider. It’s the best way to make sure both parties are 100 percent comfortable with everything that’s happening from beginning to end.

Once you’ve explored the possibilities your back door has to offer, take a moment to decide how you feel about it (and how your partner feels if they were involved.) You’re allowed to decide it’s not for you. You’re allowed to decide you like it, but not as something to do all the time. You’re also allowed to decide it’s totally your jam and to want to explore it even further. Ultimately, you’re the boss of your own pleasure!

5 Expert Tips for Exploring Your Kinkier Side

If you’ve led a relatively vanilla lifestyle from a sexual standpoint but are curious how the other half lives, you’re far from alone. Fifty Shades of Grey may have had its issues, but it left lots of people interested in expanding their horizons in the bedroom. Knowing you’re interested in exploring your kinkier side is one thing though. Figuring out where and how to start is another matter entirely.

Just know that even the hottest, sexiest kinkster you know had to start somewhere. If you decide kink is for you, you can get there too with time and practice. Here are some must-know tips for getting started in the right direction.

1.      Educate yourself about different types of kink.

There are more sexual categories to consider than just “vanilla” and “kinky”. The wide, wonderful world of kink covers quite a bit of territory. Some parts of it may be very appealing to you while others aren’t at all. That’s why every journey into kink territory should start with an education session.

Learn about the different kink categories out there and consider what each one is all about. There’s voyeurism, role-playing, BDSM, group sex, swinging, and lots of other options to explore. Figure out which ones appeal to you most and then take it from there.

2.      Get curious. Then get comfortable.

Part of the fun of kink is the rawness that comes with it. This is your chance to be genuinely honest with yourself about what turns you on and what feels good to you, both physically and mentally. Permit yourself to get curious and to seek satisfaction for that curiosity. Join social media platforms that cater to the kink-curious, jump into forum discussions, and talk to friends you know are into kink.

It’s important to fully accept what you learn about yourself in the process as well. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being kinky or having fetishes. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you or that you’re a pervert. It means you’re a curious person who’s genuinely interested in growing sexually.

3.      Talk things out with your partner (if you have one).

If you’re single, there’s likely not much holding you back from exploring your interest in kink to whatever extent you like. If you have a partner though, you’ll have to have a frank discussion about your interest in kink should you decide to move forward with exploring it. This goes double if anything you’d like to try in the future involves bringing other people into the equation.

You know your partner best, so you likely have some idea of what type of reaction to expect. Are they comfortable with the idea of getting a little kinkier? How do they feel about the specific activities you’re interested in? Do they have any deal breakers that need to be considered? Where are their boundaries? Where are your boundaries? Once you figure out where you both stand on these issues, you’re ready to move forward.

4.      Start small and simple.

If both you and your partner are brand new to kink, know that you don’t need to go from vanilla to full speed right away. Most couples start with small, approachable changes and move into the racier stuff when they feel ready. Start with some dirty talk, some new positions, or a simple location change. Then when you’re ready, add some sex toys, like the Pyra butt plug, or some light role-playing.

When you’re 100 percent ready to explore serious BDSM, have a threesome, or spend an evening at a sex club – if you ever are — you’ll know. No rush though! There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to kink. So long as everyone involved fully consents to what’s going on, it’s all good.

5.      Follow up with your partner.

If there’s one thing that far too many couples overlook when it comes to exploring kink, it’s the follow-up. Anytime you try something new in the bedroom, it’s a good idea to check in with one another and talk openly about how everything went. Did you like what you tried after all is said and done? Did they? In what ways was the experience different than you each expected? Are you both interested in doing it again? Does either of you have any ideas on what you’d like to do differently (if anything) next time?

Not only does communicating in this way ensure you’re both on the same page at all times, but it’s a bonding experience as well. Plus the ability to speak frankly and openly without shame is key when it comes to being a kinkster, both now and in the future.

At the end of the day, everyone has a kinky side whether or not they talk about it or decide to explore it. Where you take yours is ultimately up to you, but it’s sure to be a wonderful journey if you’re up to the challenge.

The Logistics of Bringing Kink into the Bedroom

There’s something to be said for enjoying kink in practice, as opposed to only in your fantasies. However, thinking about kinking things up when it comes to your personal repertoire is one thing. Knowing where to start for best results is another issue altogether. Here’s a closer look at how you can know whether bringing your BDSM fantasies to life in your actual bedroom is really the right fit for you, as well as how to approach things should you decide that it is.

Is It Time to Get Kinky?

Sex is incredible for a lot of reasons, especially when it comes the sheer variety it can bring to the table. You can use it to connect to yourself or to another person in all sorts of exciting ways. You can use it to explore a multitude of different sensations, including pain and elevated stimulation. Kink can be a really exciting way to experiment with different power dynamics as well. However, some people are happier simply fantasizing about kink, and that’s Okay too.

Is kink something you and your partner have discussed? Is this something you both would like to explore together, as opposed to something only one of you really wants? Have you each done your homework regarding what you’d like to try, verified that you understand what’s involved, and decided you still want to proceed? If so, you’re definitely in the right head space to take things up a notch or two.

If you’re still not completely sure how to bring the topic up with a partner who may or may not be on board, start by testing the waters. Watch a sexy movie together that involves kink (like Secretary or Fifty Shades of Grey), use it as a conversation starter, and see how your partner reacts to the idea of kink in general. Alternatively, you can simply look for ways to work kink into your everyday conversations to get a read on where they stand. Then talk things out further when you’re ready.

Laying the Groundwork

Getting on the same page with your partner is a good start, but it’s still important to really prepare for your experience if you’re serious about getting the most out of it. Here are a few pointers to keep in mind.

Get specific.

Kink play covers a wide range of different sensations, experiences, and activities, so it’s important to really hash out what each of you wants to try before you just dive in. What are your exact, specific desires? What are theirs? If you’re not sure, you’ll want to find out, which you can do together if you like. (Watching porn, reading erotica, or even exploring a sex manual on kink together can help.)

Get super comfortable talking about it.

Open, comfortable dialogue is an absolute must when you’re engaging in kink play of any kind. For instance, consent is very important, but it’s hard to know whether you really have it if you’re not comfortable with frank, clear communication. It’s Okay if you’re shy. Practice makes perfect, so just get in the habit of communicating in more detail regarding sex, both in and out of the bedroom. Dirty talk is a great way to do this, as is talking casually about sex on an everyday basis.

Start tame and work your way up.

Even if you and your partner think you’re 100 percent comfortable dressing each other up in full BDSM gear and going straight for the heavy kink right away, it’s better to start light and go from there. Role play is a good place for most couples to start. Creative play that involves different kinds of sex toys is another. Light spanking, restraint, and sight deprivation are still more relatively approachable ways to introduce yourselves to the world of kink and discover what you both like.

Have a safe word.

Any time you’re experimenting in the bedroom, you should have a safe word picked out – something either of you can say at any time to immediately shut down whatever’s happening, no questions asked. To avoid confusion, it should be something that’s extremely unlikely to be said in a sexual context – “paprikash” as opposed to “pussy”, for example.

Communicate during and after.

Communication is just as important during and after kink play as it is before. While you’re playing, actively let your partner know if something does or doesn’t feel good. Then discuss your experience together after you’re done. Did both of you get what you wanted? Was it what you expected it to be? Do you both want to try it again sometime (or something similar)? What would you do differently?

The key to kink play that satisfies truly is communication, honesty, and plenty of both. Start exploring the possibilities today, and see where your play takes you.

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