Have you ever watched a sex scene in a movie and wondered if that’s what an orgasm should be like? And then thought that perhaps you were doing it all wrong?
If so, you’re definitely not alone. Media portrayals of sex can often leave us feeling perplexed and questioning our own experiences—not only how we appear and sound but also whether we’re “doing it right” or even having an orgasm at all!
So let’s be frank, pop culture doesn’t depict orgasms accurately, often leading us to believe that orgasms involve a large amount of shouting and dramatic shaking and occur instantly (without clitoral stimulation!)
Although some orgasms can look like this…it’s just a small sample! So, if what you see in movies isn’t entirely accurate, how can you tell if you’ve had an orgasm if your experience doesn’t match up?
It’s ironic that in a culture that frequently discusses the topic of orgasms, we rarely dive into the specifics of what happens in the body during one.
In this article, we’ll explore the wonders of orgasm and how you can tell if you’ve had one—let’s get started!
What exactly is an orgasm?
An orgasm is described as changes in the body caused by the intense pleasure that increases pulse rate and blood pressure. Orgasms can also produce pelvic muscle spasms, which cause vaginal contractions and urethral contractions in penises.
Regardless of gender, an orgasm is generated by the same thing in everyone: stimulation. Sometimes it’s genital stimulation; other times, it may be breast, skin, or even mental stimulation.
One of the most desired aspects of orgasm is the release of feel-good hormones. After climax, dopamine, oxytocin, and prolactin flood the body leaving you calm, tranquil, satisfied and attached to your lover.
Although we’re still discovering how the human body experiences pleasure and orgasm, we have learned a thing or two. For starters, only 18% of persons with vaginas can orgasm only through intercourse, according to a 2015 study. Furthermore, most people with vaginas require clitoral stimulation, either alone or together with penetration.
Even those experiencing orgasms during penetration have the clitoris to thank. (Most scientists will confirm that all orgasms involve the clitoris, regardless of where the stimulation occurs!)
It’s also worth noting that some folks simply cannot orgasm. (And, yes, this is also perfectly normal) But that doesn’t mean that you don’t benefit from sex! Several studies demonstrate that climax is not required to have a truly happy and fulfilling sex life. Instead, it should be thought of as ‘the icing on the cake’.
There are different kinds of orgasms
Many people are surprised to learn that orgasms actually happen in our brains, not our genitals. And even though our skin is the largest sexual organ, our brain is the most important.
While scientists are still debating whether different types of genital orgasms exist (think clitoral, A-spot, G-spot, etc.), they do know there are other ways to come that don’t entail touching anything below the belt:
- Nipple play: When the nipples are stimulated, oxytocin is produced, causing the same uterine and vaginal contractions as orgasm.
- While fantasizing: Some people can “think” themselves into orgasm by imagining a stimulating situation and allowing their minds to wander.
- While exercising: Also known as a “coregasm” some people can orgasm while practicing yoga or doing core workouts.
- While sleeping: Because orgasms occur in our brains, which are super active at night, people of all genders can climax while sleeping. There’s no method to it, but it makes for a lovely night’s sleep when it happens.
- A skin orgasm: Also referred to as “frisson,” skin orgasms are the tingles you feel when listening to a great song or watching an incredible scene. It can feel like goosebumps or a slight shiver down your arms.
How you can tell if you’ve had an orgasm
An orgasm can seem like a sensual trance and generate a state of sexual euphoria that you might feel both physically and psychologically. Heightened sexual excitement and fulfillment are sensed and then followed by calm.
Did you know that various bodily cues can alert you if you’re on your way? When you are aroused, your heart rate increases, your breathing becomes faster, your nipples are erect, and your genitals are engorged with blood. These sensations intensify as arousal rises until you climax.
Orgasms may make you feel calm, but they can also make you sleepy. According to one 2019 study, participants who experienced an orgasm before bedtime reported getting a better night’s sleep. Additional research is required to prove the link, but the authors of this study believe we can thank oxytocin.
How to have an orgasmic experience
If you aren’t climaxing, you could learn to do so by becoming more familiar with your body and how it responds to sexual stimulation. Experts all agree that solo play is an excellent place to start. By adjusting your touch and intensity, try out different masturbation techniques to see what feels good.
It also helps to concentrate on how you feel in the moment rather than solely thinking about obtaining an orgasm. Deep breathing is a terrific technique to let go of distracting ideas.
You’ll be able to communicate more effectively with your partner about what gets you off once you’ve mastered your own domain. If you want to climax through penetration, consider the Coital Alignment Technique (CAT), which allows you to simultaneously compress the shaft of the penis (or toy) between your thighs, grind your clitoris against the pelvis bone, and experience the snug fit of penetration.
Tips for an even better orgasm
If you’re keen to experiment or just want to spice things up, don’t be hesitant to introduce toys into the mix. Experiment with rabbit vibrators, like the Booster Rabbit or Delola. Both of these vibes are guaranteed to get all the juices flowing.
It’s possible that combining clitoral and vaginal stimulation can increase the intensity of your orgasm.
Finding toys that fit you and your body can be its own exciting type of foreplay, whether you do it alone or with a partner, so don’t be hesitant to incorporate them into the mix and go on a small shopping spree.
Regardless, it’s vital to understand that not everyone can experience orgasm (with or without a partner), and that’s OK!!
Open communication with your partner and consulting a sex therapist can assist, but the fun of sex lies in the discovery, which often includes so much more than an orgasm!
So, relax and enjoy yourself…and let the orgasmic magic find you✨