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Spilling the tea on wet dreams: Everything YOU need to know!

If there’s one thing that the Netflix hit series Sex Education taught us, it’s that for everything we know and have been taught about sexuality, we still don’t know nearly enough about the vagina. 

Think of it this way: until very recently, the very existence of the clitoris was completely ignored!

So, as a teen waking up in the middle of a wet patch, no one would blame you for thinking that you had some sort of incontinence issue. Of course, if you happened to have a penis, there’s a very high chance that you’d know all too well that you had a nocturnal emission…because that’s just what happens, right?!

It’s hardly fair that those with penises are generally taught about the normality of wet dreams, while the same can’t be said for those with vaginas. As a result, many women just assume that we don’t have them.

But, what exactly is a “wet dream” and why do they occur? There’s a lot to know about wet dreams, some of which might surprise you… 


spilling the tea on wet dreams FAQ

Our Funn Wet Dream FAQ’s

What is a wet dream?

Simply defined, a wet dream occurs when you ejaculate or release vaginal fluids while sleeping. FYI, most individuals have them, and they are a totally normal component of sleep (but we’ll get into that a bit later!)


The term “wet dream” is, in itself, a bit of a misnomer because while a sex dream can result in some sleepy-time splooge, most occur without an apparent explanation.


Wet dreams occur during REM sleep when your breathing and heart rate rise, boosting blood flow throughout your body, including your genitals. Due to the increased blood flow, your genitals become hypersensitive to any stimulation.


You might wake up in the middle of a wet dream or sleep through it and only know you had one when you wake up with wet sheets.


You may not even remember your sex dream when you had your wet dream. Most of the time, your brain controls your dreams so that they focus on sexual symbols rather than scenes. 


Women, for example, may have dreams of phallic-shaped items, whereas men may have dreams of tunnels and subways.

Do you only have wet dreams during puberty?

Nope. Wet dreams are more common during adolescence because your body undergoes significant hormonal changes that affect your sexual maturity.


But adults, too, experience erotic dreams, especially if they are sexually active.


Aside from hormonal fluctuations, wet dreams can be your subconscious mind’s way of dealing with stress. Consequently, orgasms can be quite calming. Therefore, it’s no surprise that the body resorts to a sexual release when sleeping.


Can individuals with vaginas have wet dreams?


Absolutely! Although the abundance of research and literature out there may make you think that only teenage penis owners have wet dreams.


No surprises here…there is a severe paucity of studies on wet dreams among people with vaginas. Still, recent evidence indicates that wet dreams are not exclusive to those with penises. According to current research, most vagina owners experience a sleep orgasm before age 21.


Why do wet dreams happen?

Women typically experience wet dreams from dreaming of erotic material involving sexual acts or other arousing dream material. 


When whatever is going on in the dream is sufficiently erotic, a woman’s body may naturally respond by creating vaginal lubrication—and if she is sufficiently excited, an orgasm may also ensue.


Are wet dreams normal?

Totally! There is no need to be worried or concerned about wet dreams—even if they happen rather frequently—as long as the wet dreams feel good to the dreamer. And it’s completely normal not to have wet dreams and not recall having them.


Still, if your dreams ever become uncomfortable or traumatic—especially if there is a history of sexual abuse or a psychological issue—seek professional help as soon as possible.


Why are they most commonly associated with boys?

One primary reason is that when boys orgasm, they make semen, a tangible, visible liquid indicating they just orgasmed. But what about women? 

The issue of female orgasms was also somewhat taboo until fairly recently—especially in the case of adolescent females. Wet dreams are therefore more commonly associated with younger males.


Do all sex dreams culminate in orgasm?

Nope. Not every sex act ends in orgasm; not every wet dream does either. On the other hand, having an orgasm does not necessarily result in ejaculation or dampness.

Wet dreams can occur both with and without orgasm. You don’t need to orgasm to have some vaginal wetness.

Because of the genital hypersensitivity during REM sleep, even brushing your bedsheets against your body might be enough to set it off.

Sexy thoughts before bed, a lack of sexual activity and orgasm in general, and a greater level of sex hormones can also play a role.


Why do I experience sleep orgasms yet struggle to orgasm while awake?

First and foremost, it is not uncommon to have problems with orgasm. Everyone’s capacity to orgasm differs, and many individuals have difficulties climaxing.

This can be caused by several factors, many of which may not impact you as much when you’re sleeping, such as:

  • Chronic pain and other bodily ailments
  • Mental health issues
  • Previous sexual trauma
  • Problems in a romantic or sexual connection
  • Sex repression
  • Not being adequately aroused
  • Body image concerns and inhibitions

Your body and mind relax as you sleep, and your guard is down. Inhibitions related to your body and sex are less likely to impact your arousal. Furthermore, you may be aroused by things in your dream that you are unaware are turn-ons for you.

The good news is that if you can orgasm in your sleep and want to try having an orgasm while awake, your body is physically able. It might just be a question of exploring your fantasies and trying to discover what feels right for you. Experimenting with sex toys can help bring you closer to the Big O!


I’ve never experienced a wet dream before. Is this a common occurrence?

Not everyone will experience a wet dream. Some people have a few, while others have many.

Then there are some who, as teens, experience wet dreams but not as adults. Dreams are very intimate, one-of-a-kind experiences that are unique to each individual.


Can you make yourself have a wet dream?

Maybe. According to research, sleeping in the prone position (on your stomach) may result in sexual or erotic dreams.

It is unknown why this relationship occurs. However, if you want to put the hypothesis to test, lie on your stomach before going to sleep.


Can you avoid having wet dreams?

No, not at all. Sure, some dream specialists believe you can control your dreams.

How so? Some studies show that you may be able to influence your dreamland story. This is known as lucid dreaming, and some ways can help you achieve it.

Just remember that just because you use these techniques doesn’t imply you’ll be able to manage your dreams entirely. There is no way to ensure you will not have a wet dream.


In the words of Annie Lennox, sweet (wet) dreams are made of these…

Although not everyone will have a wet dream, there is nothing wrong with experiencing one.

Remember that sleep orgasms, like all orgasms, are profoundly personal. There is no right or wrong way to have one — or two, three, or four. 💦

What is Vaginismus & how can you overcome it?

We all want and expect that sex will feel great and bring pleasure. The truth is, though, that it’s very common for some vulva owners to feel pain during sex. For some, the discomfort is so severe that they are physically unable to have sex. 

If this sounds like you, you could have Vaginismus, a condition that causes the muscles around the vagina to spasm on their own. This makes penetration very painful and, in many cases, impossible.

Despite affecting almost 12–21% of vulva owners in North America, Vaginismus is rarely talked about. As a result, many individuals are left for years not knowing what’s going on with their bodies or how to rectify it.

But there is light at the end of the tunnel for those with the condition, and there are treatments that, with time and effort, can make sex possible and pleasurable. 

The most important thing is to recognize that you have it, which can be extremely difficult if you feel embarrassed or uncomfortable talking about it with other people. Here’s what you should know about Vaginismus.

What is Vaginismus?

This medical condition is characterized by uncontrollable pelvic floor muscular contractions, spasms, and cramps. This might be tightness, cramping, pressure, or discomfort.

These involuntary contractions are usually linked to stimuli (either psychological or physical), such as an anxiety or trauma reaction to sexual penetration or simply an involuntary non-psychological response to pressure or touch in that area.

This can make sexual activity, tampon use, and even a gynecological checkup unpleasant or even impossible.

The pubococcygeus (PC) musculature is the most commonly afflicted muscle group by this ailment (responsible for orgasms, intercourse, bowel movements, urination, and childbirth).

Facts About Vaginismus

  • The condition may worsen with time, but it is curable.
  • It is non-contagious and involuntary (not your fault).
  • Symptoms, severity, and type might differ from person to person.
  • Both medical and psychological reasons can cause Vaginismus.
  • Treatment can be beneficial. 

Do I suffer from Vaginismus?

Although only a medical practitioner can provide an official diagnosis of Vaginismus, many crucial signs may suggest you have this condition. Should you encounter any of these symptoms, consider seeking the advice of a licensed medical professional.

Just know that, while it’s tough to discuss, the situation is more prevalent than you think, and you’re not alone. Your body is communicating with you for a reason. Listen to it, and you’ll be one step closer to conquering any difficulties you’re facing.

Do I suffer from Vaginismus

Types of Vaginismus

1. Primary

The primary type, often known as “lifelong vaginismus,” causes pain and discomfort whenever something penetrates (or attempts to penetrate) the vagina.

People who have the primary type have always had the condition. It is usually first felt when attempting to use a tampon, having first-time intercourse, or when a doctor performs a pelvic examination.

2. Secondary

Secondary vaginismus patients have previously accomplished painless penetration. A life event, change in medical status, new health condition, or life stress may occur, making penetration difficult.

People with this type of Vaginismus may suffer pain or difficulties following penetration.

What are the Symptoms and Signs of Vaginismus?

Dyspareunia (painful sex) is the most common symptom of Vaginismus and is frequently the first sign of a problem. Although the discomfort associated with intercourse usually subsides when the penetration (or attempted penetration) is completed, this is not always the case.

Many women describe the discomfort as a burning sensation, pressure, or as if the penis has hit a block. Women suffering from Vaginismus may also experience bleeding. 

However, sexual intercourse is not the only source of pain. It is usual to experience pain or discomfort when using a tampon or during pelvic examinations.

Other common symptoms are as follows:

  • Inability to insert a tampon
  • Inability to insert a sex toy 
  • Sexual activity-related fear or pain
  • Loss of sexual desire or performance anxiety
  • Pelvic or wall muscle spasms 
  • Hypertonic pelvic floor: unpleasant or painful, lengthy, persistent contractions
  • Hip, hamstring, low back, and abdominal muscular tension

Symptoms might be minor to severe, are involuntary, and may not improve without intervention or therapy.

Vaginismus can cause significant emotional and psychological discomfort, lowering the quality of life and making it difficult to maintain healthy sexual relationships.

What to do if you have Vaginismus

If you suspect you have Vaginismus, the first step is to see your doctor; don’t be shy to request a female doctor if it helps you feel more at ease.

The examination may be uncomfortable, but your doctor will talk you through it and explain everything. To better understand your discomfort, they’ll ask you a few questions about when you feel pain. They’ll also check if your symptoms indicate anything else, such as a urinary tract infection (UTI).

If you have Vaginismus, several therapies are available, and it may take some time to discover the one (or combination of treatments) that works best for you. Four out of five people can enjoy pain-free intercourse after vaginismus treatment.

Treatment options include:

Vaginal Dilators

A vaginal dilator is a plastic or silicone rod used to relax and reduce discomfort in the pelvic floor muscles. Think of it like a medical dildo!

You gently insert the dilator (with lube) each week for a few minutes. You may work at your speed and gradually increase to a larger dilator when ready. Involving a partner may be a terrific way to establish closeness, but remember that you’ll need to be in charge of the situation.



Exercise might help you regain control of your muscles if you suffer from Vaginismus. Pelvic floor stretches, similar to yoga, can help you strengthen the muscles surrounding your vagina.

Vaginismus Exercises You Can Do At Home


Start by lying on your back with your legs straight out in front of you. If lying flat is uncomfortable, prop your legs up with one or two pillows. Pay attention to your breathing and try to expand your belly and rib cage.



Imagine them slowly rising up and out like an umbrella opening during the inhale. Allow the ribs and belly to return to their resting position on the exhale.

Getting Better With Each Exercise

Continue the breathing pattern and focus on your pelvic floor to advance this workout. This diamond-shaped set of muscles is placed between your tailbone and pubic bone from front to back and between your sit bones from right to left.

Notice how the pelvic floor dips down on the inhale and then rises back on the exhale. This movement is very slight, and you may perceive it as the tailbone falling toward the floor on the inhale and rising off the floor on the exhale.

This exercise can be performed while you’re seated on a firm chair. The chair might help deliver feedback during the workout by offering additional sensation to the pelvic floor. Keep this slow breathing pattern going for two minutes.


Start by lying on your back. With your legs apart, bring your knees up to your chest, then reach for your big toes. Softly bend your knees and push your feet toward the ceiling. If your hips or hamstrings are tight, use a towel or yoga strap behind your knees to extend your reach. 


Maintain this position while breathing deeply and allowing the pelvic floor to relax. Hold this posture for 2-3 minutes.


To help with balance, start by standing near a sturdy and steady object. A kitchen counter or a handrail is ideal, but a firm chair can also suffice.

Press your hips backward and drop into a deep squat while holding onto the counter or chair back for support. Breathe deeply into your rib cage and visualize dropping your pelvic floor, just like you did in the previous exercises. Hold this position for 1-2 minutes.



Mindfulness exercises can also be beneficial. You can reduce your anxiety and gain control of your Vaginismus by focusing on your breathing and filtering out undesirable ideas. Meditation, journaling, and adult coloring books are excellent methods to accomplish this.

Physical Therapy for the Pelvic Floor

Your doctor may suggest pelvic floor physical therapy. This therapy is intended to help persons with various pelvic floor disorders, including Vaginismus.

A physical therapist will assess the strength of your pelvic floor muscles and devise a strategy to help strengthen them, which may include exercise and even electrical stimulation.

Physical therapy has the benefit of being more likely to be successful since it is tailored to your specific requirements. According to studies, patients describe it as very rewarding/beneficial.

Counseling and therapy

If you feel a psychological condition is causing your Vaginismus, counseling might help you work through your issues and reduce your anxiety.

As previously stated, Vaginismus can be caused by physical and psychological triggers. Many people with the disorder have already suffered trauma or abuse, particularly in the context of sex.

Individuals will respond differently to treatment and counseling. Cognitive behavioral therapy gives you coping strategies by examining how your ideas and behaviors impact your Vaginismus. 

Sex therapy examines methods for improving communication and intimacy with your spouse. You can boost your confidence in the bedroom by discussing your doubts and concerns.

Botox and surgery

Some clinics offer botox to treat Vaginismus, which relaxes the vaginal muscles. While studies have shown that it can assist with symptoms, it’s important to remember that while Botox can help with the physical issues caused by Vaginismus, it won’t help if there are any underlying psychological concerns.

Remember that you’re not alone

Vaginismus can be uber frustrating, especially if you crave sex but know you’re having difficulties with it. The most important thing to keep in mind is that your condition does not define you. Many people with Vaginismus believe they are “broken,” but this is not the case.

Most people with Vaginismus can still get aroused, which means they can still enjoy oral sex, foreplay, and gentle masturbation. Take your time, and never be ashamed or embarrassed to tell your partner to stop or slow down.


Your Guide to GREAT Period Sex (and why you should try it!)

For all the progress made to dismantle various sexual stigmas, period sex is still one that remains taboo.

Period sex has long been stigmatized as disgusting or unclean, but fortunately, attitudes are changing. According to a survey of over 4,000 people, 38% of men and 31% of women are interested in having sex during menstruation. 

Whether you’re apprehensive about entering the realm of period sex for the first time or have been a fan for years (but you’re still concerned about the logistics)—don’t stress! There’s an array of compelling reasons to relish the delights of sex during your period.

Many of us experience a surge of hormones during our periods and are, in fact, more turned on during our periods. In a poll of over 500 participants, 30% of women said they wanted to have more sex during their period than at any other time. 

If you yearn to have a normal sex life during “that time of the month,” as your mom called it, but aren’t too sure how to avoid some of the messier parts, we have some tips and tricks for you.

Here is everything you need to know about going au natural and for your partner to earn their “red wings”.

Can you have actual sex on your period?

First things first, many people still wonder if you can have vaginal sex while on your period. The answer is an emphatic yes! And to top it off, it can be REALLY pleasurable. 

Hormonal changes cause increased arousal and sensitivity during a menstrual period (such as increased estrogen and decreased progesterone levels). “Your vagina is more open and receptive at this time, so if there was a position you were trying to do, but it didn’t work so well in the past, now is the time,” says Carlen Costa, a sexologist and relationship expert. 

… plus, there are health benefits! 

One of the best things about period sex is that it can assist with some of the more annoying symptoms that occur during your period.

Since our bodies release oxytocin and endorphins when we orgasm (these are natural pain relievers), having period sex can significantly reduce menstrual pains and headaches! 

having period sex can significantly reduce menstrual pains

So, as bizarre as it may sound, try having an orgasm before reaching for ibuprofen to deal with period pains and migraines! Also, once you get used to the idea of ‘colored lube’, menstrual blood can provide excellent natural lubrication.

Now, there are some risks involved. The pH of your vaginal fluid fluctuates throughout your period, throwing off the delicate lactobacilli equilibrium. 

One function of the cervix is to protect your uterus from bacteria that may enter the vagina during intercourse. When you’re menstruating, it opens slightly to allow the uterus to shed. This opens a small gateway for bacteria to enter the uterus, increasing the possibility of infection. 

So, even if you’re in a committed relationship, you still need to use barrier methods like condoms and/or dental dams during period sex.

Oral sex is always an option

It is totally safe to have oral sex during your period. Your greatest fear is probably the mess, but luckily, there are a variety of solutions available, such as menstruation cups and menstrual discs.  

If you want to avoid a mess or any sort of contact with menstrual blood, stick to the clitoris. Simply leave your tampon in and have your partner focus on the outside.  There’s no need to snip the string or try to conceal your menstruation. Periods happen.

you CAN still get pregnant when having period sex

Yes, you CAN still get pregnant!

Another thing to consider is the possibility of pregnancy and using contraception. Myths about not being able to get pregnant while on your period are entirely bogus. 

While it may seem unlikely, your ovulation cycle is influenced by various variables, and each cycle differs from one menstruator to the next. Ovulation usually occurs 7 to 12 days following the start of your last period; however, sperm can survive for up to seven days inside the body. 

This means you could ovulate while still carrying live sperm in your body.

So for clarity’s sake, we’ll say it again…While your risk of conception is low, you should still practice safe sex while on your period to avoid an unplanned pregnancy.

There will be a mess. Period.

It always comes down to “the mess”, right? Yep, humans can have some rather strange reactions to blood. The notion of blood oozing from a vagina contradicts the cultural narrative of “feminine hygiene.”

But mess comes with the territory when it comes to period sex! It doesn’t matter if you’re having your heaviest or lightest period – if you’re menstruating, there will be some menstrual blood. Accepting this fact is the first step.

Before you have period sex, it’s a good idea to discuss it with your partner. As natural as period sex should be, it can be pretty jarring for both partners if you’ve never done it before. Once you’ve told your partner about the issue, you can devise your plan of action.

Keep mess to a minimum with these period sex tips

OK, so you’ll be relieved to hear that you won’t need to wallpaper your bedroom in plastic like a scene straight out of Dexter, but there are a few things you can do to avoid the mess.

Use dark-colored towels

This is a pretty simple solution. Place a brown or black towel down on the bed (just remember to label these as your period sex towels and store them in the back of your closet!)

Shower sex

Shower water, ironically, makes your vagina less wet by washing away your body’s natural lubricant. However, there is so much extra wetness during period shower sex that this problem is nearly removed. Furthermore, the blood simply washes away. No mess, no fuss!

Try using a menstrual disc

Unlike menstrual cups or tampons, menstruation discs can be worn during intercourse. The flexible disks are placed into the vaginal canal like a tampon, but they sit higher up in your vagina, at the vaginal fornix. This allows for penetrative sex without the blood.

Experiment with different positions

Some women experience increased pelvic congestion during their period, which is a heaviness that [may] trigger arousal. This is why some women report desiring more sex during their period. 

Gentle positions like spooning can be a great way to enjoy sex, but otherwise, you can experiment with the depth of penetration and different angles to see what works best for you.

scene from fifty shades of grey

Get a lil kinky

Explore some of the more surprising erogenous zones to get things going. By “surprising”, we mean the ears, hands, stomach, and even the bottoms of the feet. 

You could even get your kink on and use a blindfold to heighten every sense. You don’t have to go Fifty Shades of Gray kinky with all sorts of leather contraptions—use your shirt and place it over your partner’s eyes, then pin their hands and tell them they can’t move or peek. 

Every sense will be heightened… pure ecstasy!

Or you could embrace the mess!?

Blood has a primal and animalistic quality about it. If you and your partner are OK with it and you can stomach the sight of blood (or, conversely, if it turns you on, no judgment here!), then there’s no reason why it shouldn’t be business as usual. Sheets can always be washed or bleached!

Also, in case you forgot, your sex toys can be washed—so there’s no need to leave them out of the action. All our Femme Funn toys are composed of premium materials that you can safely wash in warm water with soap. 

Adopt the ‘try everything once’ mindset

Giving period sex a try can be an exciting opportunity for many couples who haven’t experienced it before to overcome a fear of the unknown. If you haven’t tried having sex while on your period yet, you might discover that you enjoy it. 

You never know; you may love it (and if you don’t, you won’t have to do it again). But until you and your partner have set off on an adventure to part the red sea, you’ll never really know or experience the depths of the beautiful promised land.

Things You Need to Know to Elevate Your Oral Sex Game

Often hailed as the creme del a creme of the orgasmic cake, oral sex can be considered as the perfect act of vulnerability and release. 

Yet, there are some women who just don’t find it that enjoyable—especially when receiving oral elicits thoughts like ‘I wish I had bathed today’ or ‘what do I need to remember to get at the store tomorrow?’ and virtually every other mundane detail that could possibly get in the way of blissful release. 

As for giving? 

Thoughts like ‘Hmm, should I make eye contact?’ ‘Am I doing this right?’ ‘Argh, I hope I don’t gag!’ ‘Does this really feel good for them?’ can detract from the experience entirely.

Whether giving or receiving, staying in the moment forms a major element of enjoying the act. But, according to Wendy Strgar, author of Sex that Works: A Woman’s Guide to Embracing the Erotic, Awakening Arousal, and Deepening Intimacy, “women who have a lot of anxiety about oral sex are the ones who are trying to perform a sexual act that doesn’t turn them on.” 

But staying present is also really hard when what you are doing doesn’t excite you. A lot of the performance anxiety is unnecessary, according to Strgar, “because the most important thing is that your partner senses your desire for them.”

But, here’s the thing…despite knowing that your enthusiasm is more powerful than any technique you’re missing, you’ll undoubtedly want to make it the best experience ever. 

And that’s exactly where we come in…whether you’re experiencing performance anxiety or even just having a hard time orgasming, we’ve got some super sexy (and helpful) tips to help you get ahead and level up your oral sex game.


Make oral sex great again

Everyone deserves great oral sex. Consider the following tips, and you’ll soon be on your way to lingual greatness.

Take it slow

Although this may seem counterintuitive, the best way to rev up the moment is to slow down the foreplay rather than rushing to get the job done. Instead, take time to explore and kiss their body gently.

 The benefits of this approach are two-fold: 

  1. You’ll up the ante and get them super excited about what’s in store 
  2. The experience of slowly stimulating each erogenous zone will allow you both to be completely present.

Practice good hygiene

Although all vaginas have a natural scent, a common concern among women receiving cunnilingus is whether they smell good and are “clean enough” down below. 

While vaginas are supposed to smell like vaginas (and nobody should EVER be judged for their natural scent), you’ll want to keep things clean to avoid transmitting bacteria. 

Furthermore, knowing that your genitals are relatively clean might alleviate some anxiety and make you feel more comfortable and confident. 

Furthermore, when it comes to oral sex, most people don’t necessarily think about their oral hygiene—but it’s actually pretty important! Oral health directly correlates to the transmission of infections, and it’s essential to consider if you or your partner has any mouth sores or bleeding gums prior to engaging in oral sex. 

But before you start scrubbing your teeth pre-oral, it’s essential to note that flossing or brushing your teeth just before or just after oral sex increases the likelihood of STI transmission, especially if people have sensitive gums that bleed easily.

A good rule of thumb is don’t engage in oral sex within two hours of brushing or flossing to give your mouth time to recover. 

Let Go 

Letting go of anxieties and focusing on what you’re doing may help you get into the mood and genuinely enjoy pleasuring your partner. 

The problem of providing oral sex as a service is that if you’re not into it and it doesn’t turn you on sexually, the act becomes mechanical and, over time, may become a cause of resentment. 

Basically, what we’re saying is that doing things sexually for others (that don’t arouse you) is never recommended because there’s a very good chance that you may fall into the opposite camp—not wanting to be sexual at all (or even worse, feeling that your pleasure or arousal is less important!) 

Try 69

Sometimes all you need is a little bit of mutual love. And what better way to do this than to throw some numbers into the mix…more specifically, 69!

Adding a new level of engagement through the classic position of 69 is one approach to shifting oral sex away from the idea of servitude. 

As a result, you’re likely to feel less self-conscious (since there’s less of a sense of putting on a show and more effort to connect). This type of oral sex truly adds rocket fuel to the notion of shared pleasure.

Allow your fantasies to go wild

Fantasizing during oral sex can help women with anxieties to derive more pleasure from acting out their deepest desires. 

While some people feel that thinking about pornographic fantasies during sex might detract from an intimate moment, certain kinds of fantasies are key to super-charged oral sex. 

Think of it this way—if you allow these sexy thoughts to surface (even if you’re not sharing them), you’ll be able to enjoy all types of erotic acts and enjoy oral sex in a way that turns you on. It’s a win-win!

Think about what you eat

Did you know that fruit with high water content, such as strawberries and pineapples, can help with your natural lube and add some extra sweetness to the sexperience? 

Yup, what you eat can alter your smell/taste so if you really want to blow your SO’s mind, try eating more fruit and veggies. 

But, as we’ve already mentioned, your vagina cleans itself and has a natural aroma, so there’s no need to be concerned about your smell or taste. 

Keep going

Luckily for those that own vaginas, there’s no limit to how many times someone can orgasm in one session. So why not keep going after they reach their climax to see if you can give them another one? 

The same is true if your partner has a penis—don’t pull away as soon as they orgasm. Lightly massage the shaft with your mouth or hand to give them tingles all over.

Get turned on and let the enthusiasm flow

As we’ve already iterated, the best way to give oral is when you’re turned on. And what better way to do that than to make yourself feel good by—yup, you guessed it—feeling yourself! 

Think about giving yourself some pleasure while you’re giving it; whether this entails fantasizing, touching yourself, or wearing a vibe, it’s up to you to decide how you’re going to get those sensual juices flowing.  

Incorporate sex toys into your oral playtime

You may already have a vibrator or two for your own pleasure, but this can also be a terrific way to add new sensation when giving oral to those with penises. Try using a toy like the Ultra Wand or the Booster Bullet along the shaft and tip of the penis for a bit of tantalizing teasing time.

Heighten their senses and use a blindfold

Blindfolding your partner can heighten their senses and make their erogenous zones even more sensitive. While they’re blindfolded, stimulate their vulva, labia, shaft, or head with your tongue (or vibrator) and watch the sweet (but intense) sensations take over.

Make eye contact

This one works great for both giving and receiving, helping you connect with your partner (even when your mouth is full!) It’s a massive turn for your partner to look you in the eye when giving you oral sex.

Focus on what matters right then and there

Being present and entirely focused on giving oral is where your passion is almost sure to turn your partner on. Conversely, think about how off-putting it is when someone is going down on you, and their facial expression and body language say, “OK, how much longer do I have to do this?”

We cannot overstate the importance of enthusiasm! If you truly want to turn your partner on, spirit is paramount. Not to mention it sets the tone for both parties to give it their all.

Keep your tongue moistened with mints or chewing gum

Saliva is integral to giving great head… so we totally get the levels of frustration when a case of dry mouth hits! 

If a parched mouth is the bane of your sex life, keep some mints or chewing gum on your bedside table for easy access before getting to sleep (Pretty much almost anything containing “xylitol” can assist in jumpstarting saliva production!) 

 … talking about spit, try deep throating

Going deeper can help you produce more spit, as bizarre as it sounds. How? This method makes your body go into flight or fight mode and tricks your body into gagging. 

(Remember, though, only do this if you’re 100% comfortable with it!)

Get familiar with the Kivin method

Instead of approaching your vulva with the clit at the north end of the oral compass, have your partner lie perpendicularly, so your clit is now in the east or west positions. 

This allows them to lick your clit from the new north to south, or side to side, for what some term a genuinely game-changing oral sensation known as the Kivin method.

Bring in some rear assistance

If your tongue and hands are tired (they work hard all day, we get it!) or even if they aren’t, you can (and should!) bring in some nonhuman help. Use a butt plug or anal beads with your partner’s consent to take your playtime to the next level.

Use your breath

According to Mare Simone, a qualified tantra educator, utilizing your heated breath to stimulate nerve endings is an excellent method to build up excitement before diving in. 

This works as well with fellatio and cunnilingus. Take a step back the next time you’re going down on your partner to breathe on their sensitive bits before making contact. 

The suspense will turn them on in ways you never imagined possible.

Experiment with some gentle prostate play

Did you know that, in addition to internal prostate stimulation via fingering or toys, you can also externally stimulate a prostate? If this doesn’t really sound like your cup of tea and you still need a bit of convincing, check this out.

Also, consider analingus

Rimming, also known as analingus, is the act of pleasuring the anus orally. This can include licking, sucking, kissing, or any other enjoyable act involving oral-to-anal contact.  

As with any oral sex, make sure everything is clean, but other than that, try it out! Many people, regardless of gender or orientation, find this quite pleasurable.

Communication is everything

Talking is simple…and yet some of us find it so difficult to express how we feel! Remember, you can’t read each other’s minds during sex, so speak up if there’s anything you want that they’re not giving you. 

If you’re stuck for words, consider saying something like ‘It’s so hot when you…’ or ‘I’d love it if you’d try….’ Another thing to keep in mind is that your body language speaks volumes. 

Inevitably, your partner WILL know if you don’t want to be going down on them, and that is the greatest mood killer (and possibly the worst thing ever for someone’s self-esteem!)

So, if you decide to head to the land down, make sure you want it. 

And then, make sure you’re ready to show them how much you want it—every. single. time.

Vaginal Health Matters: Golden Rules to Keeping Your Vagina Happy and Healthy

Every woman should be mindful of her vaginal health, but what exactly is a healthy vagina? 

While it depends on several factors, such as a woman’s age, a healthy vagina typically has an acidic pH and is naturally lubricated. 

The vaginal microbiome is delicate, and the bacterial balance of that microbiome can significantly impact your health.

Discharge is a natural physiologic reaction that consists mainly of shedded cervical and vaginal cells. A healthy vagina secretes small amounts of discharge as well. 

While some women may be unaware of it, others may notice up to a teaspoon or tablespoon of discharge every day.

Our vaginal health can affect the quality of our fertility and sex lives. Any change in a woman’s vaginal odor or the color of her discharge that is accompanied by discomfort — whether it’s pelvic or vulvar discomfort, itching, or burning — should be addressed.

Always remember that certain lubricants, talc, and vaginal cleaning soaps alter the vaginal bacterial balance and may increase your risk of urinary tract, bacterial, or sexually transmitted infections.

Yet, the burning question remains: What are the basics when looking after the department downstairs, and are there any big no-no’s to avoid?

If your vagina could speak, we’re guessing that she would be rather vociferous regarding vaginal care dos and don’ts. 

But considering that most of us aren’t natural-born vagina whisperers, we’ve compiled a list of vaginal health rules to ensure that vagina stays happy, healthy, and problem-free.

Rule 1: Don’t douche 

We’re so sorry to break it to you, but while you may appreciate the scent of a “summery fresh” douche—your vagina doesn’t—since douching is really damaging to the vagina. So, how do you keep it clean downstairs?

Well, it turns out that not only do these wonderful organs bring life into this world, but they also keep themselves clean. They achieve this by naturally regulating healthy bacteria and pH levels. 

Douching actually destroys some good bacteria, altering the pH and making you more prone to infection.

What about smelling extra fresh? Each person’s genitals have a distinct smell, and there are natural ways to alter your particular scent, such as modifying your diet. Pineapple, for example, can make vaginas taste or smell sweeter, whilst asparagus can have the opposite effect.

If you’re still adamant that you want to clean your vagina and vulva, use unscented products and only wash the labia majora. 

Rule 2: Check your lube

No reasonable person will ever argue the fact that lube is simply fantastic.  It has the potential to elevate sex for everyone involved. However, there are some ingredients that could be harmful to your health.

Glycerin, for instance, is related to sugar, and while it is effective at keeping lubes moist, it can also encourage bacterial growth in the vagina. Petroleum products are also considered no-nos since they can affect the vagina’s natural pH level. 

Other things to avoid:

  • Non-natural oils
  • Scents
  • Parabens
  • Flavors
  • Dyes

Rule 3: Use safe sex toys

Do you ever wonder how some adult toys work and if they’re completely safe? Well, it turns out that not all sex toys are safe and aren’t suitable for anything other than taking up drawer space.

Toys made from the following materials are, in general, safe:

  • Wood 
  • Silicone 
  • Stainless steel 
  • Glass 
  • Ceramic 
  • Stone 
  • ABS plastic

If you stick to toys made with any of the above materials, you should remain on the safe side. However, these must be pure, medical, or even food-grade materials, not blends. 

It’s also advisable to always buy your toys from a reputable supplier (like us!) to ensure a quality, body-safe product and an excellent investment into your sexual well-being.

Rule 4: Wipe from front to back

Although this one is fairly obvious, it must be said! Always wipe from front to back when peeing. 

This action has been shown to minimize the risk of developing urinary tract infections since you are less likely to contaminate your vagina with feces (which you want to keep as far away from the urethra as possible!).

Rule 5: Take precautions to have safe sex

This includes wearing a condom with any new sexual partner and getting STI (Sexually Transmitted Infection) testing done on a regular basis. STIs may affect people of any age, and while they are most frequent in those aged 25 and younger, the highest increase in infection rates in recent years has been amongst adults over the age of 50. 

Surprisingly (and rather scarily), most STIs are asymptomatic, so you won’t know you have one unless you get tested. The quicker an STI is diagnosed, the better the prognosis.

Rule 6: Don’t neglect your pelvic floor 

The pelvic floor comprises a sling of muscle that runs between your hip bones and supports your uterus, ovaries, bladder, and vagina. For healthy pelvic and sexual function, these muscles must be robust and in good working order. 

When they weaken, it causes incontinence, uterine prolapse, and vaginal wall prolapse. All women should incorporate pelvic floor exercises into their daily routines to strengthen these muscles.

If you’re not too sure where to begin, start here.

Rule 7: Urinate after sex

Make it a habit to go to the bathroom after sex, even if you didn’t try a complete penetrative sex position and instead just did some foreplay or used your favorite sex toys

Peeing after sex allows you to clean up discreetly, particularly if you’re prone to UTIs since it helps flush out any harmful bacteria from the urethra. 

Vaginal Health

Rule 8: Wear breathable clothing

Vaginas are much happier when dressed in breathable clothing such as cotton. And while cotton underwear isn’t always the sexiest option, this fabric possesses moisture-wicking qualities, which can help decrease the amount of moisture that stimulates bacterial development. 

No matter what kind of underwear you choose, make sure to replace it regularly. Removing damp clothing as soon as possible can also help reduce problems.

Rule 9: Change your sanitary products frequently

If you rely on pads, tampons, or menstrual cups, make sure you change them regularly. This will prevent harmful microorganisms from growing and disrupting the pH of your vagina.  

Always insert tampons with clean hands, and never use sanitary items if they’ve fallen on the floor. If you use a menstrual cup, cleanse it in hot water after each period.

Rule 10: Don’t forget your vaginal health checks

Getting regular health checkups may seem like a chore (and for those in long-term partnerships, unnecessary) but it’s crucial in terms of vaginal care. Health checkups include sexual health checkups and cervical screening checks

Smear tests are performed once every three years and take only a few minutes. They also allow your doctor to examine the health of your vagina and check for concerns such as warts.

Look after your vagina… it’s the only one you’ve got!

Maintaining optimal vaginal health is not a once-off job. Fortunately, there are many basic and straightforward things you can implement on a daily basis to ensure that your vagina is well-protected, happy, and healthy.

Strengthening your pelvic floor for better sex

When working out, a typical exercise routine will go as follows: you’ll tone your arms, work your abs, and lunge until your legs burn. But there is possibly one set of muscles that you may be forgetting … the ones in the nether regions – your vagina!

Sure, they’re teeny, but those muscles take quite a beating throughout life. Keeping them strong is more important than you think – their function goes beyond preventing you from peeing yourself! 

The pelvic floor muscles are involved in every movement and breath we take. Therefore, it should come as no surprise that these muscles can become stiff, painful, weak, or dysfunctional. 

While we’re constantly reminded by every women’s magazine on earth that we should be conscious of our pelvic floor muscles – what happens if you don’t have a clue where these little dynamos are found?

The pelvic floor muscles extend like a hammock from your pubic bone in front to your tailbone in the back and over the whole width of your pelvis from hip to hip. These muscles are frequently referred to as a hammock because they support all your pelvic organs above, just like a hammock supports your weight. 

For them to do a decent job, they must be secure and robust. The fabric of the hammock must be strong enough for the purpose, and the trees to which it is connected must be stable.

Want to get familiar with these muscles? Well, you can. Literally. Using a mirror, watch yourself do exercises. You’ll notice how the perineum rises higher, towards your head. 

Alternatively, place your hands firmly on your low belly, two fingers on each side, in the area around your panty line. As you perform the movements, you will feel a muscle softly press up against your fingers.

You can also test your pelvic floor strength by stopping your pee in the mid-flow – strong muscles should be capable of doing this easily. Feel that squeeze? Those are your pelvic floor muscles. Just try it once, though, as it can be harmful to your bladder. 

What are Kegels

“First and foremost, Kegels are a means to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles, which act as a hammock around the pelvis,” says Leah Millheiser, M.D., Head of Stanford University School of Medicine’s Female Sexual Medicine Program. Kegels function the same way that any other workout does: by contracting a muscle, you strengthen it.

In the case of Kegels, it means squeezing your pelvic floor muscles to keep them toned and tight—these are the same muscles you clench when you’re trying to stop yourself from peeing and the part of the body that your Pilates teacher always reminds you to engage in class. 

Benefits of Kegels 

Kegels are sometimes referred to as a below-the-belt rehab routine, particularly in the context of strengthening your vagina after giving birth. When a woman’s pelvic floor muscles are a bit slack after childbirth, Kegels can help strengthen them and speed up the healing process. 

Working your pelvic-floor muscles also helps reduce incontinence symptoms. In other words, Kegels may help if you ever pee a bit when you laugh, cough, or sneeze. It is not a cure-all for incontinence, but it is an excellent place to start. 

But the perks of Kegels don’t stop there – they can tighten your vagina, which helps with several physical issues (you’ll be happy to know that orgasms are included!). 

So, who’s on board?

Can Kegels make your orgasms more intense? 

Heck yes, they certainly can! An orgasm, when you think about it, is a rhythmic contraction of the pelvic floor, and strengthening those muscles may assist those orgasms in becoming more potent. 

Although Kegels are often a suggested practice for menopausal women who may feel that their orgasms have gotten a little womp womp over time, you don’t have to be in orgasm rescue mode to reap the benefits!

Though relatively few women can orgasm solely through vaginal intercourse, you can improve your chances by strengthening your pelvic floor. Kegel exercises assist in tightening the pubococcygeus muscle, which is one of the muscles that contract during orgasm. 

Though orgasmic contractions are voluntary, the more toned your little love muscles are, the easier it is for your body to use them during orgasms. To sweeten the deal, some women report being able to climax in positions they couldn’t previously, while others even experience multiple orgasms. If your orgasms are already intense, doing Kegels regularly may make them even more earth-shattering.

Kegels Increase Vaginal Blood Circulation

When you perform these inconspicuous exercises, you are toning and strengthening your vaginal muscles. Furthermore, you are boosting the quantity of blood flow to your vagina. Increased blood flow is an essential aspect of arousal. Like how many women are more sexually aroused during their periods, the blood flow that occurs during Kegel exercises might influence how interested you are in sex. 

A lack of feeling around your vaginal entrance is one of the symptoms of a weak pelvic floor. Kegels assist in strengthening your pelvic floor, enhancing sensitivity in your genitals, and can even boost your natural lubrication. It’s a win-win! 

Sexier sensations 

Most people want sex to be pleasurable. However, many women are unaware that practicing Kegels every day might enhance the quality of their intercourse. If you’ve recently delivered a baby, have a weak pelvic floor due to chronic coughing, or simply want to better what you were born with, flexing your pelvic muscles will help strengthen the whole area and make sex seem more pleasurable. 

Kegels aren’t merely for tightening and toning your vagina. If you’ve had painful intercourse, doing Kegel exercises regularly might help you learn to relax your pelvic floor.

Oh, and don’t forget about the advantages for him! Kegels might also help him have a better sexual experience. You can even use Kegels during intercourse — some men have stated that their partner just clenching and releasing their pelvic muscles surrounding their penis causes them to orgasm. 

Men can also lengthen their erections by using Kegels. All they have to do is squeeze as if attempting to hold a pee. They will be able to continue longer since the urethra can only do one function at a time — urination or ejaculation. Isn’t it worth a shot?

Improve your sexual confidence

Kegels are fantastic for improving your confidence, which is a non-physical benefit. When you feel good about your body – both inside and out – it will show in several aspects of your life. Since we’re talking about sex, it’s worth noting that sexual confidence is a significant advantage. When you feel tighter and more toned, and you become sexually aroused more readily, you’re more likely to want to have sex. And, because sex and orgasms release chemicals into your brain, such as oxytocin, you’re more likely to feel calmer, happier, and, of course, more confident.

How do you do Kegels properly?

Using a hand mirror, locate the muscle as explained above and squeeeeze! 

1. Ensure that you’re squeezing

Place a finger in your vagina and squeeze the muscles—you should feel a lifting and contraction around your finger if you’re performing Kegels correctly. If you’re still not sure if you’re doing it correctly, ask your gynecologist for advice at your next checkup. 

2. Remember to hold rather than pulse. 

Once you’ve mastered it, squeeze for three to ten seconds and then release for three seconds. Think of it as though you are attempting to keep a marble from dropping out of your vagina, pulling instead of pushing out.

3. Make Kegels a regular part of your daily routine. 

Do ten repetitions for one set, then two sets the next day, and so on. This isn’t something you practice for two weeks, and then you’re done with! You’ll have to keep up with these workouts on an ongoing basis. 

If you want to see results, you’ll need to be conscientious and do these exercises daily for around six months to see a difference. The good news is that you can do these exercises almost anywhere, and if you’re doing them correctly, no one else will ever know!  

4. Try using a mobile application. 

Several vaginal-fitness monitors are available to help you keep track of your pelvic floor gains, that is, of course, if you’re looking to up your Kegel game. For those who struggle to identify their muscles or simply want some feedback, these trackers may prove super handy. Most of these applications allow you to keep track of your progress over time.  

5. Be mindful of what you put up there. 

Make sure that it is manufactured from body-safe materials such as silicone and will not irritate your vagina. And although it goes without saying, make sure to clean whatever you are inserting with mild soap and water after each usage.

Is it essential for everyone to do Kegels?

Even if you don’t have incontinence difficulties, Kegels are generally recommended to your feminine health care routine. There are, however, certain exceptions. If you have symptoms associated with a tight pelvic floor, it is advisable to skip Kegels altogether since tightening these muscles is definitely not something you should try with a condition like vaginismus. 

If you have extensive pelvic-floor issues—either discomfort from a condition that produces tightness or weakness that isn’t improving after six months of doing regular Kegels—consider seeing a pelvic-floor physical therapist for further information on what can help.

Kegel balls

Kegel balls are available in a wide range of weights and sizes ranging from 10 to 100 grams. Your best bet is to use them regularly (or as often as you remember) and gradually increase the weight as you notice your muscles growing more robust. The heavier the ball, obviously, the more strength you’ll need to keep it inside—so start small.

When you’re not using Ben Wa balls for incontinence, Jess O’Reilly, PhD, host of the @SexWithDrJess Podcast, says you can use them for arousal and pleasure as well. She recommends using Kegel balls as sex toys that are held together with a silicone cable. “You might insert the balls and twist them or gently tug on the threads to produce a variety of sensations,” she says. “Some individuals love slowly drawing them out to increase awareness and draw attention to more subtle sensations.” 

To ramp up the sensations, run your Ben Wa balls under cold or warm water before insertion. “By stimulating the body’s delicate thermoreceptors, temperature changes can heighten arousal and modify the way we interpret pleasure,” O’Reilly says.

Buy Your Momento Here

While kegel balls are usually regarded as safe, they should not be used immediately after giving birth (you may have vaginal tearing that requires time to heal) and should not be left in for more than six hours. 

When you’re ready to go, use Ben Wa balls made of non-porous silicone (such as these), which won’t hurt your vagina.

Once again, remember to wash them after each use with gentle soap and water, no matter what they’re made of. Keep them in a clean, dry, and secure location, and check them before each use.



Discover your Inner Zen with Mindful Masturbation

First things first, let’s get one small detail out of the way. We all masturbate. Or, to be more precise, an overwhelming 78 percent of us do, according to the TENGA Global Self-Pleasure Report

Masturbation is clearly no longer (and should never be) a sordid sexual secret. It’s an imperative component of one’s emotional and physical well-being, which is why people are excited about a new masturbation fad.

Mindful masturbation is being hailed as the next self-love and self-care trend, which allows you to have more sensual and intense orgasms rather than fast bursts of pleasure.

While having a speedy orgasm is easy, proponents of mindful masturbation say it should be viewed as an art or spiritual activity that requires time and attention. Don’t fret if this all seems a little too kumbaya for you. 

In this article, we’ll discuss all you need to know about mindful masturbation, including its benefits and how to implement and use its magic in your life.

For those unfamiliar with the term, mindfulness is the practice of being present in the moment and being aware of your body, feelings, and various senses. It is the habit of becoming mindful and aware, of being present rather than distracted in the current moment.

But this involves taking mindfulness to the next level. Mindful masturbation is precisely what it sounds like: adopting a state of attention and awareness while having sex with yourself. And, while you don’t have to be mindful every time you masturbate (we all have busy lives and stuff to do), you should definitely engage in an occasional ritual of self-love. 

When applied to the way we please ourselves, it may help us go beyond a quickie, helping us develop a deeper connection with ourselves, leading to increased pleasure, improved bodily awareness, and a pleasant way to unwind. Essentially, it is the genuine self-care that we all require.

Mindful masturbation

What are some of the benefits of mindful masturbation?

  • Assists you in unwinding and de-stressing 
  • Increases your sexual confidence 
  • Reduces anxiety 
  • Deepens your pleasure 
  • Nurtures desire 

Spontaneous sex does not always occur; we must create daily rituals that bring everyday moments of sensuality into our lives.

We’re taught that loving yourself is narcissistic, but that’s just nonsense. Working on the connection with yourself is the most significant relationship you can work on. Mindful masturbation with a self-loving, exploring intention can help you feel more in touch with who you are, what you want, what you enjoy, and what you don’t like in the bedroom (and in life).

How do you go about it?

We frequently masturbate with sex toys in the same way, over and over. While this is perfectly fine, if you want to get a little something more out of your sex life, introducing mindful masturbation might be just what you need.

Starting with your hands is the best way to set things off. The next phase is to explore your body more holistically, so instead of focusing just on your vulva and clitoris, begin to explore other erogenous zones from head to toe. 

The objective is to be engaged, allowing yourself to feel every feeling and identifying what feels good and maybe not so good – in the future, this degree of understanding will allow for much better communication, allowing for truly enjoyable coupled sex.

Instead of concentrating solely on achieving the Big O, focus on your pleasure. Removing this objective relieves pressure and allows you to relax deeper into the present.  

Practicing Mindful Masturbation

Keen to deepen the connection with yourself using mindful masturbation? Start slowly, remembering that mindful masturbation is simply the act of slowing down and tuning into your sensations when having solo sex—it doesn’t have to be anything elaborate! Follow these guidelines to get started.

1. Forget orgasming and focus solely on discovery and pleasure.

This may seem a bit weird, seeing that this is probably not how you would typically masturbate – after all, one of the benefits of masturbating in the first place is that you know how to get yourself off. But that isn’t actually the point here! 

Mindful masturbation is intended to help you better understand your body, discover new emotions, and experiment with new ways of pleasing yourself. The ‘objective’ is to be able to claim, “I know my body pretty well. I’m aware of the toys and touches that appeal to me. I’ve spent time with it. I’m satisfied with myself.”

So, instead of aiming for orgasm, try to delay gratification by prolonging the sensation for as long as possible. You can do this by edging (getting close to coming and then resting before trying again) or avoiding the specific type of stimulation that you know gets you off.

2. Create an ambiance to set the tone

Light a few candles, play music or ambient noise to set the scene. Or, at the very least, declutter and open a window for some fresh air. We know this all may seem a bit excessive, but what you’re doing is establishing a comfortable atmosphere to concentrate on the work at hand.

Suppose you don’t have the foggiest clue where to start? Perhaps begin by curating a masturbation playlist comprising music that’s relaxing and gets you in the mood. Also, you may want to consider some sex toys like these.

It might also be a good idea to experiment in places other than on your bed. Try another room or the couch, for example. By changing things up a bit, you can avoid getting into a rut and keep the spark alive – yes, even with yourself!

3. Choose a time when you won’t be interrupted 

Believe it or not, the quickest way to ruin a good mood is having someone bang on your door because you’re a bit (ahem) loud or worse, walk in on you. You may want to schedule some time to spend roughly 30 minutes playing with yourself and enjoying the sensation. That may be a tad longer than your average solo sex session, but you’ll have a lot of ground to cover!

4. Make a point of preparing everything you’ll need ahead of time.

Experiment using toys, lubricants, towels, and so forth. That way, once you’re in the zone, you won’t have to stop and go find supplies. Try sticking to silicone-based lubricant for masturbation because it’s thicker unless you’re using devices that require something water-based.

5. Savor the moment by focussing on the present

Try some relaxation or meditation techniques that aren’t sexual if you’re having trouble focusing and quieting your thoughts. Often, being focused and present at the moment is sometimes easier said than done, so take a few minutes before you begin to bring any anxious or stressed thoughts under control. If you don’t have a go-to strategy, try focusing on your breathing or repeating a mantra.

6. Resist the lure of porn in favor of fantasy 

While listening or watching porn is perfectly acceptable while masturbating, give it a skip for this mindfulness exercise. Your body is less discerning than your mind when it comes to what excites it, so when you watch porn, you’re aroused by that stimulus  — not necessarily by things that genuinely turn you on. Since the whole idea here is to figure out what you enjoy and how your body reacts to it, porn defeats the object.

how to have mindful masturbation

7. Explore all of your erogenous zones 

You might think of it as foreplay to get yourself turned on, but you may also realize that you receive a lot of pleasure from places of your body you don’t regularly stimulate, such as your nipples or stomach. See how each erogenous zone reacts to various sorts of touch. Experiment with different kinds of contact. 

If you’re used to stroking or caressing, try scratching, squeezing, and tickling. That’s not to imply you shouldn’t spend time enjoying your genitals – because you really should! In all likelihood, you’ve probably not thoroughly explored them either, so use your fingers or toys to feel everything going on down there, focusing on any new sensations you uncover as you go along. You can try to orgasm after that if you like, but bonus points if you make it happen in a different way than you generally do.

8. Color your skin

As you explore, visualize your body in your mind, envision each touch or experience as a different color on your skin. Identify each hue so that you can stimulate more or less based on how the touches feel. If colors don’t work for you, envision your body as a heat map and identify where your enjoyment is the greatest.

9. Reflect on the experience

When you’re finished — after an orgasm or whenever you choose — take some time to think about what you’ve learned about your body. Take 15 seconds without touching yourself to reflect on the event thoroughly. Think about the orgasm you just had or the feelings you evoked, identifying the aspects you found more pleasurable so you can draw on them later. 

Then, if you’re up for it, start round two. Or you can simply feel like a rockstar with a stronger and healthier relationship with your body than ever before.

Strength comes from pulling your own strings.

With this practice, no partner is required, and neither is an explanation!

Make the moment about you; you don’t owe anybody anything. Never masturbated? Well, if you’ve got a hand, you’re in for a treat. Allow your thoughts to roam and awaken your deepest desires. Discover your essence and have fun with yourself. 

Go on, you deserve it!

The Magic of the female orgasm: Five reasons why you should prioritize regular orgasms

Have you ever pondered: Why do orgasms feel so good?

The question is pretty straightforward; the answer, however, is a little trickier. Whether you get there with a partner or with the help of a sex toy, we all know that some orgasms just hit the spot differently. But, why?

According to recent Pleasure Center statistics, women require an average of 14 minutes during partnered sex to hit the Magic O – compared to an average of 8 minutes during masturbation. So, does this mean that there are different kinds of orgasms? The short answer – of course! 

When we have sex, what we experience physically sends information through our nerves to our brain which, in turn, responds by creating hormones that increase our pleasure. As a result, the term “post-orgasm glow” was coined to describe the euphoric sensation you feel after having great sex.


First and most importantly, what exactly is an orgasm?

When a woman is aroused, blood rushes to the clitoris, vagina, and nipples, causing a full-body sexual flush, while the pulse rate and blood pressure rise. This creates a warm sensation that generally emerges from the pelvis and extends throughout the body.

Funn Fact: At the moment of orgasm, certain areas of your brain that control emotion shut down. The area that processes fear is deactivated, and your ‘vigilance for danger’ switch also turns off momentarily.

Orgasms can vary in intensity, differ by sex position, and feel different for everyone. The female orgasm is not just an emotional and psychological response, but also a physiological one. Essentially, orgasms are a bodily phenomenon that varies from person to person. 

Have you noticed a difference in the intensity of your orgasms from month to month? That’s also normal! It can change depending on a variety of things, such as your bond with your partner, sexual arousal, and so on. Have you recently learned how to talk about a fetish and are interested in trying out bondage, pegging, or watching porn? 

It’s possible these factors could influence the intensity of your orgasms. Similarly, re-learning how to be intimate with your lover may make the experience more intense and special.

Types of orgasm

The two most common forms of orgasm are clitoral and vaginal.

Many female orgasms are caused by clitoral stimulation — this is the most prevalent type of orgasm in women. According to Live Science, researchers have now found evidence that these two main types of orgasms (FYI, we’re not kidding, there are other types of orgasms, such as coregasms!) are separate phenomena.

Some experts also believe that the front wall of the vagina is intrinsically related to the clitoris, making it difficult to stimulate the vagina without simultaneously activating the clitoris.  Brain scans of masturbating women show that various orgasms stimulate distinct sensory cortexes in the brain. 

This could explain why women who suffer spinal cord injuries (disrupting communication between the clitoris and the brain) can still have orgasms when stimulated vaginally. 

Women who have regular orgasms tend to have lower resting heart rates and are less prone to employ maladaptive psychological coping methods than those who do not; while stimulating the elusive g-spot (through vaginal rather than clitoral stimulation) raises a woman’s pain threshold. 

Emmanuele Jannini, professor of Medical Sexology, says that a woman should understand her own body, but should not regard an orgasm as a race. He adds: “Seeing the vaginal orgasm as a must, as a duty, is the most effective way to lose the happiness of sex!”

Funn Fact: Approximately 70% of women have faked an orgasm. However, there are several surefire ways that your partner can spot whether it’s genuine. These include retraction of the clitoral hood shortly before orgasm, a racing heart, dilated pupils, and spasms in the vaginal muscles. It’s really hard to believe that the fairer sex has gotten away with it for so long!

Come as you are, er, as you can…

Your brain produces oxytocin during orgasm. This is a ‘feel-good’ hormone involved in social bonding, which partially explains why orgasms may feel so fantastic and bring you closer to the person with whom you had them. 

Similarly, because orgasms are so satisfying, some people utilize coupled sex or masturbation to alleviate chronic stress symptoms. Since oxytocin promotes relaxation, climaxing may make it simpler to wind down after a long stressful day.

According to research conducted by neurologist Adam Safron, rhythmic stimulation affects your brain activity during climax, which explains why orgasms may feel so darn good! Without getting too technical, sexual stimulation basically focuses our neurons to the point that we enter a trance-like state. This meditative state enables us to focus entirely on the pleasurable sensation. 

Now, that’s taking the meaning of mind-blowing orgasm to a whole new level!

After reviewing related studies, Dr Safron developed a model demonstrating how rhythmic sexual activity affects brain rhythms. Stimulating certain nerves in a specific way and at a specific pace, in a continuous motion, drives our neurons to focus on the activity and synchronize their activity to it. So, effectively, our neurons join in on the fun. As the stimulation continues, this synchronization extends throughout the brain, allowing it to concentrate exclusively on the experience the body is feeling. This is referred to as neural entertainment, (which seems rather apt, if you ask us!)

But, while all this sciencey stuff is great, let’s get to the real reason why you’ve kept reading:

Five fabulous reasons why you should prioritize regular orgasms

1. You’ll feel relaxed

As anyone who has ever been rendered speechless following an earth-shattering orgasm will confirm, they possess some pretty strong sedative properties. That’s because climaxing increases prolactin levels, a potent relaxant hormone that, when paired with the endorphins, can induce sleepiness.

2. Orgasms have the potential to boost your mental health.

During sexual stimulation and orgasm, the brain produces, and releases molecules called neurotransmitters and neuropeptides. These substances are beneficial to your general physical and mental well-being. According to researchers, these chemicals can help alleviate stress, improve sleep, boost immunity, and elevate mood.

3. Orgasms can promote a healthy body image.

Have you ever thought about how body image could be connected to sexual health? Well, it turns out that these two concepts are far more intertwined than we may think. Our body image can have a major impact on our mental health, which in turn, influences our behavior toward ourselves and others. A positive self-image and self-love may be promoted via more fulfilling orgasms, which can improve your sexual functioning and sex in general.

4. Orgasms are great for your skin

Since orgasms increase oxytocin (a hormone that communicates pleasure) and reduce cortisol (a hormone that signals stress), you’re less likely to break out or develop rashes if you have regular orgasms. The Big O also has some instant skin benefits. Orgasms produce a radiant flush on the face by boosting blood and oxygen flow to it. You may even notice that your increased oxygen intake stimulates collagen formation – say hello to collagen and goodbye to fine lines and wrinkles!

5. Orgasms keep things healthy down there

Finally, when you have an orgasm, blood and nutrients flow to your vagina, which helps maintain things down there in good working order. It has also been reported that women who orgasm once a week are more likely to have regular menstrual cycles that last 26 to 33 days than those who have less or more irregular sex. 

Healthy vagina = happy vagina!

There you have it … make pleasure a priority! 


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