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Discover your Inner Zen with Mindful Masturbation

First things first, let’s get one small detail out of the way. We all masturbate. Or, to be more precise, an overwhelming 78 percent of us do, according to the TENGA Global Self-Pleasure Report

Masturbation is clearly no longer (and should never be) a sordid sexual secret. It’s an imperative component of one’s emotional and physical well-being, which is why people are excited about a new masturbation fad.

Mindful masturbation is being hailed as the next self-love and self-care trend, which allows you to have more sensual and intense orgasms rather than fast bursts of pleasure.

While having a speedy orgasm is easy, proponents of mindful masturbation say it should be viewed as an art or spiritual activity that requires time and attention. Don’t fret if this all seems a little too kumbaya for you. 

In this article, we’ll discuss all you need to know about mindful masturbation, including its benefits and how to implement and use its magic in your life.

For those unfamiliar with the term, mindfulness is the practice of being present in the moment and being aware of your body, feelings, and various senses. It is the habit of becoming mindful and aware, of being present rather than distracted in the current moment.

But this involves taking mindfulness to the next level. Mindful masturbation is precisely what it sounds like: adopting a state of attention and awareness while having sex with yourself. And, while you don’t have to be mindful every time you masturbate (we all have busy lives and stuff to do), you should definitely engage in an occasional ritual of self-love. 

When applied to the way we please ourselves, it may help us go beyond a quickie, helping us develop a deeper connection with ourselves, leading to increased pleasure, improved bodily awareness, and a pleasant way to unwind. Essentially, it is the genuine self-care that we all require.

Mindful masturbation

What are some of the benefits of mindful masturbation?

  • Assists you in unwinding and de-stressing 
  • Increases your sexual confidence 
  • Reduces anxiety 
  • Deepens your pleasure 
  • Nurtures desire 

Spontaneous sex does not always occur; we must create daily rituals that bring everyday moments of sensuality into our lives.

We’re taught that loving yourself is narcissistic, but that’s just nonsense. Working on the connection with yourself is the most significant relationship you can work on. Mindful masturbation with a self-loving, exploring intention can help you feel more in touch with who you are, what you want, what you enjoy, and what you don’t like in the bedroom (and in life).

How do you go about it?

We frequently masturbate with sex toys in the same way, over and over. While this is perfectly fine, if you want to get a little something more out of your sex life, introducing mindful masturbation might be just what you need.

Starting with your hands is the best way to set things off. The next phase is to explore your body more holistically, so instead of focusing just on your vulva and clitoris, begin to explore other erogenous zones from head to toe. 

The objective is to be engaged, allowing yourself to feel every feeling and identifying what feels good and maybe not so good – in the future, this degree of understanding will allow for much better communication, allowing for truly enjoyable coupled sex.

Instead of concentrating solely on achieving the Big O, focus on your pleasure. Removing this objective relieves pressure and allows you to relax deeper into the present.  

Practicing Mindful Masturbation

Keen to deepen the connection with yourself using mindful masturbation? Start slowly, remembering that mindful masturbation is simply the act of slowing down and tuning into your sensations when having solo sex—it doesn’t have to be anything elaborate! Follow these guidelines to get started.

1. Forget orgasming and focus solely on discovery and pleasure.

This may seem a bit weird, seeing that this is probably not how you would typically masturbate – after all, one of the benefits of masturbating in the first place is that you know how to get yourself off. But that isn’t actually the point here! 

Mindful masturbation is intended to help you better understand your body, discover new emotions, and experiment with new ways of pleasing yourself. The ‘objective’ is to be able to claim, “I know my body pretty well. I’m aware of the toys and touches that appeal to me. I’ve spent time with it. I’m satisfied with myself.”

So, instead of aiming for orgasm, try to delay gratification by prolonging the sensation for as long as possible. You can do this by edging (getting close to coming and then resting before trying again) or avoiding the specific type of stimulation that you know gets you off.

2. Create an ambiance to set the tone

Light a few candles, play music or ambient noise to set the scene. Or, at the very least, declutter and open a window for some fresh air. We know this all may seem a bit excessive, but what you’re doing is establishing a comfortable atmosphere to concentrate on the work at hand.

Suppose you don’t have the foggiest clue where to start? Perhaps begin by curating a masturbation playlist comprising music that’s relaxing and gets you in the mood. Also, you may want to consider some sex toys like these.

It might also be a good idea to experiment in places other than on your bed. Try another room or the couch, for example. By changing things up a bit, you can avoid getting into a rut and keep the spark alive – yes, even with yourself!

3. Choose a time when you won’t be interrupted 

Believe it or not, the quickest way to ruin a good mood is having someone bang on your door because you’re a bit (ahem) loud or worse, walk in on you. You may want to schedule some time to spend roughly 30 minutes playing with yourself and enjoying the sensation. That may be a tad longer than your average solo sex session, but you’ll have a lot of ground to cover!

4. Make a point of preparing everything you’ll need ahead of time.

Experiment using toys, lubricants, towels, and so forth. That way, once you’re in the zone, you won’t have to stop and go find supplies. Try sticking to silicone-based lubricant for masturbation because it’s thicker unless you’re using devices that require something water-based.

5. Savor the moment by focussing on the present

Try some relaxation or meditation techniques that aren’t sexual if you’re having trouble focusing and quieting your thoughts. Often, being focused and present at the moment is sometimes easier said than done, so take a few minutes before you begin to bring any anxious or stressed thoughts under control. If you don’t have a go-to strategy, try focusing on your breathing or repeating a mantra.

6. Resist the lure of porn in favor of fantasy 

While listening or watching porn is perfectly acceptable while masturbating, give it a skip for this mindfulness exercise. Your body is less discerning than your mind when it comes to what excites it, so when you watch porn, you’re aroused by that stimulus  — not necessarily by things that genuinely turn you on. Since the whole idea here is to figure out what you enjoy and how your body reacts to it, porn defeats the object.

how to have mindful masturbation

7. Explore all of your erogenous zones 

You might think of it as foreplay to get yourself turned on, but you may also realize that you receive a lot of pleasure from places of your body you don’t regularly stimulate, such as your nipples or stomach. See how each erogenous zone reacts to various sorts of touch. Experiment with different kinds of contact. 

If you’re used to stroking or caressing, try scratching, squeezing, and tickling. That’s not to imply you shouldn’t spend time enjoying your genitals – because you really should! In all likelihood, you’ve probably not thoroughly explored them either, so use your fingers or toys to feel everything going on down there, focusing on any new sensations you uncover as you go along. You can try to orgasm after that if you like, but bonus points if you make it happen in a different way than you generally do.

8. Color your skin

As you explore, visualize your body in your mind, envision each touch or experience as a different color on your skin. Identify each hue so that you can stimulate more or less based on how the touches feel. If colors don’t work for you, envision your body as a heat map and identify where your enjoyment is the greatest.

9. Reflect on the experience

When you’re finished — after an orgasm or whenever you choose — take some time to think about what you’ve learned about your body. Take 15 seconds without touching yourself to reflect on the event thoroughly. Think about the orgasm you just had or the feelings you evoked, identifying the aspects you found more pleasurable so you can draw on them later. 

Then, if you’re up for it, start round two. Or you can simply feel like a rockstar with a stronger and healthier relationship with your body than ever before.

Strength comes from pulling your own strings.

With this practice, no partner is required, and neither is an explanation!

Make the moment about you; you don’t owe anybody anything. Never masturbated? Well, if you’ve got a hand, you’re in for a treat. Allow your thoughts to roam and awaken your deepest desires. Discover your essence and have fun with yourself. 

Go on, you deserve it!

Meet the Momenta: An Innovative Approach to Kegel Balls

If you’re like most women, then chances are you’re aware of the benefits of making Kegel exercises a part of your ongoing self-care routine. Not only do Kegels help you tone and maintain the muscles of your pelvic floor, but they can improve your sex life, as well. (Think stronger orgasms and a tighter fit!)

Adding a set of Kegel balls to the mix can help you get more out of your Kegel sessions and elevate the experience in various ways. However, not all the options out there on the market are created equally. The incredible Momenta from FemmeFunn is one pick that you’re unlikely to regret, though. Here’s a closer look at the benefits of using Kegel balls, as well as the perks of using the Momenta, in particular.

Why Add Kegel Balls to the Mix?

Most women understand that Kegels are basic “clench and release” moves designed to tone and activate the pelvic floor. However, many women aren’t always sure whether they’re doing them correctly, targeting the right muscles, or benefiting the way that they should be. Kegel balls take a lot of the guesswork out of the process, as they’re specially designed to locate and target the right muscles accurately.

Many Kegel ball options are designed to bring some additional pleasure to the table while you’re using them, as well. Momenta Kegel Balls are one of these options, so you’ll definitely want to give it a second look if you want your Kegels to be more than just another item on your daily to-do list.

Sensation Sure to Curl Your Toes

The Momenta makes the process of getting in your daily Kegel session positively orgasmic thanks to a suite of delectable sensations you’ll love. First, the Momenta’s unique design produces a pleasant rattling sensation that feels just like heaven when applied to all those sensitive internal nerve endings. Just slip it into place, and enjoy the ride as you go about your daily business.

A multi-function vibration feature even further enhances the Momenta for even more naughty fun. A powerful FemmeFunn motor delivers deep, rumbling vibrations that are sure to hit you just right. It also comes equipped with ten different functions to explore and experiment with. Last but not least, there’s a handy memory feature, as well, so your Momenta is always ready to pick things up right where you last left off.

Deliciously Practical and User-Friendly

Some sex toys may be complicated and come attached to a bit of a learning curve, but you can rest easy in the knowledge the Momenta isn’t one of them. A foolproof design slides in easily with a bit of lube (if you need it) and settles into place naturally, so you don’t have to guess at whether it’s in the right spot.

A slim-fit stem connects the double-ball body of the Momenta inside you to the controls that sit comfortably on the outside, so fine tuning your experience is always simple. The Momenta is made of ultra-premium medical grade silicone, as well. Not only does it feel velvety smooth against your skin, but it’s body-safe and practically effortless to care for. Elaborate cleaning routines simply aren’t part of the mix when you choose the Momenta.

Fits Comfortably into Your Life

You only need to limit your use of the Momenta to private, at-home solo use if you want to. It’s designed to fit seamlessly into your lifestyle and gel with a wide variety of situations.

Compact, ultra-portable dimensions mean your Momenta Kegel Balls are capable of going wherever you go. Take it with you in your carry-on luggage or overnight bag, so you’re never without it when you go out of town. Slip it into your purse, your glove compartment, or pocket on your way out the door, so it’s always at the ready.

Your Momenta’s also a perfect fit for a little discreet, naughty fun anytime and anywhere. Its wirelessly controlled motor is powerful, but it’s also whisper-quiet, so no one knows you’re enjoying a little something special except for you. It’s also waterproof, so feel free to enjoy your next Kegel session in the shower or tub. You’ll love what it does for your morning routine!

How to Get Comfortable Talking to Your Partner About Sex

At this point, everyone knows they should be comfortable talking to their partner about sex, especially if they’re married or otherwise in a long-term committed relationship. The truth is, though, that it’s often easier to want to do it than it is to open your mouth and start a real conversation.

Some people are shy or were brought up to see sex as something you never talk about. Others just aren’t sure how to get started or bring up something difficult. But thankfully, making sex a regular conversation topic between you and your partner is definitely possible with a bit of practice and the right approach. Here’s how you can start the process.

Don’t leave talking about sex up to your partner.

Many people who want to talk to their partner about sex simply assume that their partners are on the same page. They then take a passive approach to the topic and wait for the other person to bring it up so they don’t have to. Your partner can’t read your mind in actuality, and they may well not realize you want to be more open about sex.

Even if it’s hard, it’s essential to be brave enough to start the conversation yourself. Of course, it’s best to establish a habit of talking about sex early on in a relationship, but it’s also important to realize that it’s never too late to start. Remember that you don’t have to leap headfirst into graphic discussions about your most taboo fetishes right off the bat. Start with something more approachable like consent or birth control, and take it from there.

Know what you want out of the conversation.

Before you can open a productive dialogue about sex, it’s important to be clear on what you want to come of it. That means knowing yourself and understanding yourself sexually. What triggered the desire to open up a discussion? Is there something you’re not getting from your partner that you’d like to ask for? Are you hoping to build intimacy with your partner?

Take some time to really think about what you’d like to go over when you do sit down to talk. Possible talking points include ways your sex life might not be as satisfying for you as you’d like it to be. You may want to talk about your fantasies or hear your partner talk about theirs. Maybe there’s a physical issue you’d like to talk about. Write it down beforehand if it makes it easier to get clear on a few things.

Keep things as positive as possible.

Many of the reasons people want to talk to their partner about sex have to do with wanting to pursue something they need but aren’t getting. That can make it all too easy to come at the topic from a negative angle that can put their partner on the defensive. Instead, you want to lead with a positive and be sensitive to your partner’s feelings. Think about how you’d like your partner to approach you if the shoe were on the other foot.

  • If you need to discuss something that may be taken as a criticism, open by commenting on something you adore about how your partner makes love.
  • Make “I” statements, as opposed to “you” ones. For example, say “I’d love to try this with you,” as opposed to “you never do this.” It helps avoid the implication that you blame your partner for what’s wrong.
  • Be kind, but be clear, as well. You won’t make any progress if you don’t make yourself understood.

Bring your partner in on the discussion.

Although it’s important to address whatever your concerns or desires may be, don’t forget that conversations involve two people and two points of view. Yes, you should talk, but you’ll want to listen, as well. Really listen, instead of simply thinking about what you want to say next while your partner is talking.

Then ask questions to get a better idea of where your partner is coming from. Encourage them to ask you any questions they might have, as well. The more sensitive the topic, the more critical it becomes that both of you actively listen to one another.

Take responsibility for your own sexual pleasure.

Many bedroom issues, performance anxiety included, stem from the notion that an orgasm is something you give your partner (or vice versa.) In reality, your pleasure is something you’re responsible for and choosing to share with your partner.

In the interests of knowing yourselves better, each of you should be spending some solo time where you focus solely on yourselves. Experiment with sex toys, learn what you like, and then come back together to discuss your discoveries. Don’t worry if it feels a little awkward at first. In time, it will become much more natural. Practice makes perfect!

Is It Possible to Overcome Sexual Incompatibility?

Just about anyone’s familiar with “that feeling.” It’s the one you get when you’ve been seeing someone for a while, and everything was going perfectly… until you took things into the bedroom. Now instead of being effortlessly in sync with one another sexually the way you thought you’d be, things aren’t going so hot, and you’re left wondering what to do next.

Don’t worry. You don’t need to call it quits just yet, no matter how crucial great sex is to you. Sexual incompatibility is more common than you may realize, and it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with your partner (or with you). Here’s a closer look at some of the more common issues, as well as a few tips for handling them like champs.

One (or both) of you has trouble reaching orgasm.

Everyone’s different when it comes to their ability to have an orgasm with a partner. Some people can do so easily, while others (especially women) might struggle more. Everyone has their own pet way to be touched or stimulated which does it for them, as well. There are even people out there who never have orgasms, even by themselves. None of these things indicate a problem with the person or their partner. Ultimately, all that matters is that you’re both happy with things in this arena.

If you’re unhappy with your relationship’s orgasm situation, fixing the issue starts with honest communication. Put your heads together and come up with some ways to shake things up. For instance, toys make it much easier to have orgasms consistently, and they make incredible additions to your partnered sex life. Try using one together and seeing what happens.

One of you values sex more than the other.

No two people are alike when it comes to how important sex might be to them, either. Some people consider it vitally important, while someone else might be able to take it or leave it. Still, more people are closer to the asexual end of the spectrum and don’t much like sex at all, even if they do very much want to be in a relationship.

Again, there’s no right or wrong way to be when it comes to sex drive, so don’t jump to the conclusion that something’s wrong with one of you. Differing libidos call for compromises that work for both people, so it’s time to put your heads together and talk. Most couples deal with permanent or temporary libido differences and can settle on a mutually agreeable middle ground.

You feel compelled to do things in bed you don’t enjoy.

Everyone has things that do it for them in the bedroom and things that are total turn-offs. So, what happens when your partner’s absolute favorite sex acts are the exact same things you can’t stand doing? If you’re like a lot of people, you might feel compelled to simply go along to get along, hoping things will work themselves out, but what if that never happens?

No one should ever feel like they have to do things they’re not comfortable with just to please a partner, so it’s time to ask yourself why this is the case for you. Are you concerned that your partner will be angry if you don’t? If so, it’s time to ask yourself why you’re with them in the first place. But if you’re just eager to please them, it’s time to talk things through with your partner. They likely have no idea you feel the way you do and would be happy to change things up.

One (or both) of you are bashful about sex.

Although it might seem as if everyone is super-comfortable talking about sex almost non-stop, this is far from the case. Plenty of people are more reserved about it for any number of reasons. Some are old-fashioned and see it as a private matter not to be discussed openly. Others are merely shy and find it hard to open up on the topic, even with their partner.

Whether you have it or not, sex is an important topic when you’re in a relationship, so it’s essential to be able to discuss it comfortably with each other. Open up the lines of communication a little at a time with baby steps. In time, even the most bashful people can reach a healthy level of comfort with their sexuality. It’s their partners’ job to be patient and understanding throughout the process.

At the end of the day, compatibility issues in the bedroom are not a death sentence for a relationship. Many couples experience them at one point or another, so a solid understanding of how to work through them is a must. Communication, understanding, compromise, and compassion are the keys to getting the two of you where you’d like to be.

5 Sensual Self-Care Ideas to Take the Edge Off Lockdown

If you’re like most people, you were relieved to say goodbye to 2020, but it’s going to be a while yet before things even begin to resemble “normal” again. Lockdowns have a lot of us climbing the walls and suffering from a serious case of cabin fever by now. That’s all the more reason to be good to yourself however you can.

Effective, sensual self-care is about a lot more than making time for bubble baths, hair masks, and beauty treatments more often. There are lots of ways to relax and decompress while building a better relationship with your body, some of which are quite sexy. Here are some great ideas to get started with, but don’t be afraid to come up with a few of your own.

1.      Buy your inner sex kitten a present.

It goes without saying that money doesn’t buy happiness, even in the middle of a lockdown, but a little mindful spending can be beneficial for sensual self-care. When you’re not dating as much or going out as often, it’s easy to fall out of step with some of the little habits that make you feel sexiest.

Treating yourself to something sexy and beautiful for no one’s sake but your own can be therapeutic. Decide how much you can afford to spend and get yourself a stunning new piece of lingerie to feel pretty in or invest in that luxury rabbit vibrator you’ve wanted for forever. You’re worth it, whether you’re partnered up with anyone else right now.

2.      Give pleasure mapping a try.

Pleasure mapping is a fun and exciting way to get to know your body better. It opens the door to discovering new types of touch that turn you on. It’s also incredibly soothing, so it’s well worth including in your sensual self-care. If you have a partner, you can do it together, but it’s totally doable on your own if you’re currently flying solo.

Get naked (or strip down to your underthings if you prefer) and lie down someplace comfortable. Starting at the top of your head and working your way down, mindfully stroke each part of your body or stimulate it using a small sex toy. (You can also have a partner do this.) Make a note of what feels especially good. The idea is to discover incredible new erogenous zones that are entirely new to you.

3.      Try some mindful masturbation.

For most people, masturbation is strictly a “hit it and quit it” operation – more like scratching a familiar itch than anything else. They only prepare to get down and dirty by pulling out all the stops when there’s another person involved. Why not go all out as a treat to yourself next time? It’s a real game-changer.

Go ahead and set the scene by doing whatever it is that makes you feel sexy. Put some beautiful new sheets on the bed, light a few candles, and put on some music that puts you in the mood. Put your favorite sex toy and some indulgent lube within easy reach. Then enjoy a solo session that lasts as long as you like and involves as many orgasms as you’re craving. Take your time. Savor the way every stroke and caress feel, just like you would if you were with another person.

4.      Stage a sexy photoshoot.

Taking a few red-hot selfies to send to a partner or lover is undoubtedly a good time, but you don’t need to have a recipient in mind to stage a steamy photoshoot. Dressing up in something sultry, working your best angles like a boss, and admiring the results all by yourself can be just as fun – especially if you’re in desperate need of a lockdown pick-me-up.

Experiment with a few different outfits or try a few shots with some creative props. Compare the results you get when using different types of lighting. Go ahead and get as creative, over-the-top, or “adult” as you want. This photoshoot is all about you first and anyone else who might see the results second.

5.      Spend some time processing your feelings.

When life feels stressful, uncertain, or frustrating, it becomes especially important to work through any complicated feelings you might be having. Give yourself permission to process your feelings however you see fit and make some time to do exactly that sometime soon. It’s a great way to figure out how you’re really feeling about things.

Start a journal and record your thoughts daily. Set aside some time for a heart-to-heart with someone you love and trust, even if it’s only over Zoom. Find a group of like-minded folks online to talk to about whatever’s on your mind. When you see what a difference it makes, you’ll be glad you did.

How to Spot and Avoid Sexual Red Flags

Ask anyone who’s survived a bad relationship or two, and they’ll tell you the same thing. They’ll say they should have seen it coming because all the red flags were there right from day one. With any luck, they go into their next relationship a little better prepared.

Not all relationship red flags have to do with the other person not supporting your goals or not wanting you to see your friends, though. Some of them make themselves apparent in the bedroom, so it pays to be aware. Here’s a look at some of the most common sexual red flags and what you should do if you spot them.

They have an unhealthy attitude toward your orgasm.

A good relationship partner understands that sex is about both people involved. They want to please you, and they care whether you’re having an orgasm as often as you wish. Avoid people who don’t care whether you get off and can’t be bothered to try to help you get there.

You’ll also want to be careful of people who seem obsessed with getting you there no matter what. A partner should be able to listen when you tell them it’s just not happening tonight without taking it personally. And no one should ever shame you or imply something’s wrong with you if you can’t orgasm through penetration alone, need a sex toy to get there consistently, and so forth.

They insult your body (or you worry they will.)

Even supermodels aren’t as perfect in real life as their flawlessly airbrushed photos might make them appear. Real people usually have flaws. They have cellulite, stretch marks, and armpit fat. Anyone lucky enough to be in bed with you should be mature enough to accept that, especially since it’s unlikely they’re perfect themselves.

It’s just as big a red flag if their actions outside of the bedroom make you feel like you can’t trust them to love your body as it is. Do they often make weird or unsettling comments about other women’s bodies? Do they practically break their neck staring at every stone goddess that walks by when you’re out together? If so, you’re probably right to wonder about their priorities.

They shame you for what you do or don’t like in bed.

While there’s nothing wrong with keeping things on the vanilla side if that’s what you prefer, there’s an entire world of sexual flavors out there to try. A particular partner may or may not be into exploring everything on your list, but they should never make you feel ashamed of what turns you on or laugh at any of your fantasies.

On the flip side, they shouldn’t pressure you to do things you’re not comfortable with, either. If your partner ever makes you feel like you can’t say “no” to something they want in the bedroom, that’s a big sexual red flag, run the other way. Their respect for you as a person should outweigh their desire to do whatever it is they have in mind.

The chemistry isn’t there on your end.

Sometimes a particular partner looks good on paper, but things never really come together when it’s time to get closer physically. Are you sometimes put off by kissing or making out with them for reasons you don’t totally understand? Maybe you don’t feel as excited as you usually would about the idea of being intimate with them or can’t get into things without pretending they’re someone else.

If not exactly a huge red flag, it’s still a subtle signal from your body that you’re not that into someone. Sex isn’t everything in a relationship, but it’s still significant. Life’s too short to spend it with someone in your bed who makes you feel lukewarm at best about the idea of having sex with them.

You can’t seem to agree when it counts.

No two people will be exactly alike when it comes to their sex drives and bedroom preferences, but you should at least feel like compromise is possible. If you’re just so darned different that the two of you are basically taking turns feeling unsatisfied, that’s a sexual red flag and it might be time to rethink some things.

Are you in the mood to get down and dirty multiple times a week (or even per day) while they’re happy with only a couple of times a month? Is their absolute favorite bedroom activity something you find barely tolerable at best? Are they good at listening when you try to open specific topics up for conversation? If not, it might be a sign you’re not that compatible after all.

Relationships may not be all about sex, but the state of your sex life and the health of the rest of your relationship often go hand in hand. If things aren’t right in the bedroom, and you can’t seem to find any common ground with your partner, it might be time to reconsider.

A Quick Start Guide for the Anal-Curious

Anal sex has a reputation for being something men are super into but that women don’t enjoy. But, what if you’re different? What if you like the idea of bringing your back door into the mix and would love to give it a try? How can you be sure it’s something that’s truly for you, and where should you start once you do decide you’re ready?

Your anal area is packed with sensitive nerve endings that can add a lot to a play session when stimulated, but there’s definitely an art to getting backdoor play just right. Here’s a look at what any anal-curious pleasure seeker should know before deciding they’re all in, so to speak.

What to Know Before You Start

Even when you love the idea of backdoor play, it’s normal not to know exactly what to expect when you’re brand new to it. There are enough horror stories out there to give anyone pause, but you should know that they’re not the norm. Anal play may not be for everyone, but nothing about it is supposed to be unpleasant in any way. Here are a few facts to consider.

Anal sex is not going to stretch you out.

If you’re not used to them, the sensations involved in anal play – up to and including anal sex – can feel strange and unusual. Some of them can make you feel stretched or filled but know that anal play doesn’t “stretch you out” in any way. Your anal opening is strong, elastic, and resilient. It’s made to stretch to accommodate even a large bowel movement before bouncing right back, so trust that it can accommodate a finger, a toy, or a penis to the same degree.

It’s not supposed to hurt.

Anal sex only hurts or is uncomfortable if forced or otherwise approached incorrectly. It’s not supposed to be painful in any way, shape, or form. Make sure you’re fully aroused and comfortable before attempting anal play or backdoor sex. Also, use plenty of lube – preferably an ultra-thick formula designed with anal sex in mind.

Anal Sex can result in an orgasm.

Everyone’s different, so don’t sweat it if it never happens for you, but anal orgasms have been known to happen. This is an extremely nerve-rich area we’re talking about, so it’s definitely possible. Anal stimulation can also make the clitoral orgasms you may be more used to feel stronger and deeper.

How to Ensure a Pleasurable Experience

So, now that you know what to expect from your first experiences with anal play, it’s time to consider how to get started. It’s important to know that you don’t have to be interested in full-on, penetrative anal sex to benefit from backdoor play. Lots of people like it, but others prefer milder external stimulation or some combination of the two. Play it by ear, and keep the following tips in mind.

How clean do you need to be?

Some people do like to go the extra mile and give themselves a full enema to ensure they’re clean as a whistle before anal play, but this isn’t necessary. Some people may even find enemas irritate their intestines and sensitive skin. Do make sure you’ve had a bowel movement recently, and wash up a bit with some soap and water beforehand. Beyond that, it’s up to you.

Experiment on your own first.

Although it’s okay if you and your partner want to explore anal play together, many people find engaging in a little self-experimentation ahead of time to be useful. Try exploring the area with your fingers or a small anal-safe toy to start with. The Pyra is an excellent anal toy to start with. Experiment with both external and internal stimulation, so you get a feel for what you like. Use what you learn to communicate your way through an experience with a partner later if you decide to go that route.

Talk things through.

Whenever you’re looking to put something new on the table as far as your sexual repertoire with a partner, it’s essential to talk it out thoroughly first. Ensure they’re as excited about the idea as you are and that you’re on the same page about what to try. If you’re new to anal play, having a safe word is something to consider. It’s the best way to make sure both parties are 100 percent comfortable with everything that’s happening from beginning to end.

Once you’ve explored the possibilities your back door has to offer, take a moment to decide how you feel about it (and how your partner feels if they were involved.) You’re allowed to decide it’s not for you. You’re allowed to decide you like it, but not as something to do all the time. You’re also allowed to decide it’s totally your jam and to want to explore it even further. Ultimately, you’re the boss of your own pleasure!

6 Amazing Things That Happen When You’re Having Orgasms Regularly

While it’s true that sex doesn’t have to be all about chasing an orgasm, going over the edge in style is much too good to miss out on. It’s not just because they feel amazing, either. Orgasms are exceptionally good for you, inside and out, so you’re justified in wanting to have as many of them as you can get. Here are just a few of the neat things that start happening when you’re enjoying those big finishes regularly.

1.      You’ll start sleeping a lot better.

While there are a lucky few out there who never have trouble sleeping like a baby every night, a good night’s sleep is more elusive for others. A good, intense orgasm can be a real gamechanger in that department.

When you orgasm, your body experiences a delightful rush of multiple feelgood hormones. These include prolactin, vasopressin, and oxytocin. Not only do these enhance feelings of calm and wellbeing, but they help you fall asleep faster and sleep more soundly. Better sleep, in turn, leads to better health, improved productivity, and a heightened sense of wellbeing.

2.      You’ll get sick a lot less often.

Don’t stop at stocking up on Vitamin C the next time you’re preparing to survive cold season. Good-quality sex is one of the best (and most fun) ways to strengthen your immune system and keep it going strong perpetually. It’s excellent for building strong bones, healing more quickly after an injury, and more, as well.

Of course, great sex means having orgasms and plenty of them. Again, you don’t need a partner to reap the benefits. A nice, indulgent solo session with your favorite sex toy (or even just your own two hands) does the job just as well, so go ahead. Let your hands wander where they may.

3.      You’ll always look your best.

Have you ever noticed how very sexually active people have this glow about them? It’s not your imagination. Having an abundance of orgasms regularly comes with some very noticeable beauty perks.

To begin with, the oxytocin your body releases when you orgasm helps control the effects of stress, including breakouts and other skin problems. Sex and orgasm help improve circulation, as well, especially over time. Among other benefits, you may notice your hair and nails are stronger, grow faster, and look healthier.

4.      Your relationships will be stronger.

It’s hardly a secret that good sex works wonders for a relationship, but sex that’s so great, it includes lots of orgasms, is ideal. The act of sharing something so intimate with another person, combined with the multitude of feelgood hormones your body releases, helps you bond with your partner. Couples that know how to please each other in bed really do stay together longer!

Great sex goes hand in hand with benefits like solid communication skills, enhanced creativity, and a well-developed sense of adventure, as well. The more good feelings you associate with your relationship, the stronger the two of you will be as a couple, and orgasms can help you get there.

5.      Orgasms can lead to improved confidence.

Whether you’re currently getting it on with another person or not, the level of sexual satisfaction that comes along with frequent orgasm is a huge confidence booster. Getting to know your body, learning what it likes, and discovering new ways to make it feel pleasure help promote body positivity in spades. Plus, while it’s nice to hand the controls over to your partner occasionally, knowing how to give yourself an orgasm on demand is plain empowering.

Getting to know your body on this level also makes you a better lover. Pleasure seekers who know what they want in bed and what it takes to get them there can communicate that info to a partner, leading to better sex for both people.

6.      More orgasms lead to higher libido.

Orgasms are like potato chips. The more of them you have, the more you’ll want to have – good news for those who occasionally struggle with low libido. The next time you find yourself dealing with a dry spell, try grabbing your vibrator and getting to work. It’s likely to lead you back to a place where sexual thoughts and urges come a lot more naturally, just like they used to.

Also, keep in mind that you don’t have to keep the good vibrations all to yourself unless you want to. Consider introducing sex toys into your sexual routine with your partner for some fun new ways to enhance lovemaking and experience some incredible new sensations together.

There are lots of good things in life that it’s possible to have too much of, but orgasms (thankfully) aren’t among them. Orgasms can help you feel better, look better, stay healthier, and have better relationships – all excellent benefits anyone can appreciate. Go ahead and treat yourself to as many as you like!

6 Powerful Ways to Deepen Your Relationship With a Partner

If you’re wired for relationships, then the chances are excellent that you’re always looking for ways to love your partners better and more deeply. No two people are the same or have the same needs, so getting things just right is an intuitive process you perfect over time. The following tips and suggestions are excellent places to start to deepen your relationship.

1.      Learn their love language (and teach them yours).

People are usually most comfortable expressing love the same way they like to receive it, so consider how your partner goes about doing this. If they tend to show love by giving gifts or showing physical affection, the chances are pretty good that’s how they like to be loved in return.

Don’t merely assume, though. Sit down and talk about your love languages and discuss the ways you might differ from one another. Then go out of your way to do more of the things you’ve been told make your partner feel most loved.

2.      Stay engaged and involved in their life.

Most couples have things they enjoy doing together, but completely different pastimes they enjoy as individuals. This is a normal, healthy way to be in a relationship. However, it’s also essential to take an active interest in your partner’s life beyond the interests and hobbies the two of you share.

Show your support for the things you know your partner loves to do. If your partner loves oil painting, ask about their latest piece, and listen attentively when they talk about colors or techniques. If they invite you to do so, consider painting with them sometime to get to know them better.

3.      Give them space when they need it.

Even the closest, most loving partners don’t necessarily want to be around one another 24/7. Love comes alongside healthy boundaries and should never feel suffocating. No one should ever feel as if they can’t have their own friends or social connections either.

Don’t stand in the way of your partner’s relationships with other people. You should each feel completely free to spend time with your respective friends and family independently of one another. Respect your partner’s need for occasional alone time, as well. Your relationship will be stronger for it.

4.      Hold yourself accountable for your actions.

Nobody’s perfect. Sooner or later, you’re going to make a mistake or do something to hurt your partner’s feelings. When that happens, own up to it and apologize. When you’re wrong, admit as much and do what you can to make things right between you. A little accountability goes a long way.

When it’s your partner’s turn to do the same, show the same love and forgiveness you’d want them to show you. Be honest about how your partner’s actions made you feel, but don’t try to make them feel even worse than they already do. People who love one another treat each other the way they would want to be treated themselves.

5.      Communicate regarding intimate matters.

Everyone knows communication is the key to making a great relationship outside of the bedroom, but it’s an integral part of maintaining a satisfying intimate life, as well. If something isn’t working for you as far as your sex life goes, let your partner know in a kind, loving way. Encourage them to do the same. You should also both feel comfortable introducing new ideas into the mix.

Spending some high-quality solo time with yourself is another great way to become the best lover you can be. Invest in a good sex toy or two and get into the habit of exploring your body regularly. When you truly understand how your body does and doesn’t like to be stimulated, you can convey that information to your partner and reap the benefits.

6.      Always be appreciative of your partner.

You don’t need to break the bank buying your partner expensive gifts to show them how appreciated they are. Just cultivate a habit of letting your partner know how grateful you are for all they do daily. If they cook you a fantastic meal, let them know how delicious it was and thank them. Verbal thanks are great, but thankful actions – like doing the dishes or being the one to handle the cooking next time – often go even further.

Praise your partner often for the things you like about them, as well. Are they an incredible parent, a hard worker, or a world-class lover? Tell them so instead of assuming they already know. Hearing that sort of thing never gets old, and it definitely helps deepen relationships.

Loving someone truly, deeply, and entirely isn’t always easy, but it’s simpler than people think. How do you and your partner like to keep things between you strong and loving?

The Modern Woman’s Guide to Dating Multiple People at a Time

These days, sex and dating don’t have to be about traditional relationships or monogamy unless you want them to be. The world is filled with fun, interesting people who are well worth loving, so it’s understandable that you wouldn’t want to limit yourself to just one. There’s a fine art to successfully dating multiple people at once though. Here’s how you can do it without stepping on any toes along the way.

Figuring Out What You Want

First thing’s first. You need to be clear on what you are and aren’t looking for from a connection with another person before you get involved with anyone. Are you strictly interested in casual dating and no-strings-attached sex right now? Would you be open to a committed relationship if the right person came along? What do you need and expect from any partners you do get involved with.

It’s a good idea to think long and hard about why you want to date multiple people in the first place as well. If you’re doing it solely to prove you’re over someone else or because you want to boost your ego, it’s probably not a good idea. If you’re doing it to explore whether monogamy is even for you or simply because it feels like a good fit right now though, carry on.

Honesty Is Always the Best Policy

The days when there was only one “proper” approach to dating are over. Today, there are as many ways to enjoy love and sex as there are types of people in the world, so you’re free to make your own rules. Just make sure you’re honest with other people about where you stand and what you’re looking for.

If you’re already seeing other people at the time you start seeing someone new, tell them that. If you’re not looking for anything more than the occasional Friday night hook-up, tell them that too. If someone doesn’t care for being one of several people on your radar, they’re not the right choice for you anyway. Keep looking until you find someone who’s looking for the same things you are.

Safety Is Key

It should go without saying that unprotected sex is a no-no in this day and age. Responsible adults are not only conscientious about safety but insistent that anyone they sleep with is too. Have as much sex as you want with as many people as you like, but always use proper protection. No sex is so good that it’s worth risking a nasty STD.

And don’t ever count on the other person having protection. Always be prepared with some of your own. Don’t forget that options like condoms are good for more than just private parts either. You can slip them onto your favorite sex toy, like the FemmeFunn Cadenza, if you’re in the mood to share some good vibrations. This keeps things extra safe, hygienic, and responsible. It makes clean-up a little easier too.

In Case of Feelings

Be aware that sometimes things happen. You could be uninterested in anything serious one day only to see something extremely special in one of the people you’re dating the next – something that makes you completely rethink your stance on commitment. Alternatively, someone you’re seeing could develop deeper feelings for you. It’s a good idea to know what you’d do in both those situations.

Feelings on either end are a sign that it’s time to reevaluate things. Is the person in question someone you could see yourself with? If so, do you like them enough to drop the other people you’re seeing or does a polyamorous set-up sound better to you? Whatever you’re thinking, be sure to communicate it clearly with the other person so they know where you stand. Also, be aware that unreciprocated feelings for either person can complicate things, meaning it may be best to just end things.

Don’t Overextend Yourself

When you’re dating more than one person at a time and everything’s going better than you could have hoped, it might be tempting to say yes to every opportunity that comes your way. Be careful not to overextend yourself though. Even if you’re keeping things casual with everyone you’re seeing, for now, it’s important to treat people with respect.

No one likes feeling like they’re being canceled on in favor of someone else. Plus, while leaving your options open is freeing, juggling way too many people can be stressful and defeat the purpose.

If you’re an open, honest type who genuinely loves connecting with lots of different people, you may find you like adopting an open policy to your dating life to stick with it a while. Just stay communicative with everyone involved, as well as respectful of their feelings, and all will be well.

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