If you aren't entirely sure where your clitoris is, or if you struggle to find it on a partner, that's totally OK! There's nothing to be embarrassed about.
Questions about where the clitoris is, why it’s hard to find, and why it doesn't always look like the diagrams are all over the internet. A recent survey of 2,000 UK adults (conducted by Lovehoney) found that while 90 percent of people claim to know where the clitoris is, only 30 percent could locate it on a diagram. What's worse: Only three percent of survey respondents could identify its full internal structure.
The medical community hasn't helped much, either. In late 2022, The New York Times wrote a piece on how the clitoris is "completely ignored by pretty much everyone" in the medical field. The Journal of Urology even published research acknowledging that typical textbook descriptions of the clitoris lack detail and contain inaccuracies.
The clitoris is a large, complex organ. Finding it doesn't require a medical degree, but it does require opening your mind and forgetting just about everything you learned in sex ed. Here's exactly what you're looking for, why it hides, and how to find it.
Anatomy 101: What are you actually looking for?
To find the clitoris, you have to know what it looks like on the surface and beneath it.
If you picture a vulva as a clock with the vaginal opening sitting at 6 o'clock, the clitoris is located right up at 12 o'clock where the inner labia meet. What you see on the outside is just the tip of the iceberg.
Here's a little more info. about what's down there:
-
The Glans: This is the visible "nub" on the outside of the body. For most people, it's roughly the size of a pea.
- The Clitoral Hood: The glans is covered by a flap of skin called the clitoral hood. According to Dr. Rachel Gelman, pelvic floor specialist and AASECT-certified sexuality counselor, this is "equivalent to the foreskin of the penis."
- The Internal Structure: The vast majority of the clitoris extends internally. It has two "legs" (crura) that run down along the vulva and surround the vaginal opening.
Why is the clitoris so hard to find?
If your anatomy doesn't look like the diagrams, don't worry. Every single vulva looks different. Here are the main reasons the clitoris can be hard to locate:
1. It's tucked away.
Because it's located on an area of the body that's hard to see when standing upright, you can't exactly catch a glimpse of it in the mirror. Vulvas also vary dramatically in shape and hood coverage. Some clitorises are exposed, while others sit completely tucked under a thicker clitoral hood. A hiding clitoris is completely normal.
2. You aren't turned on yet.
"The clitoris is embryologically the same as penis erectile tissue," pelvic health physical therapist and sex counselor, Lauren Hill, tells FemmeFunn. And, just like the penis, it gets aroused. When you aren't turned on, it stays relatively small. But when you get aroused, it becomes erect and the foreskin retracts. This makes the clitoris much more prominent.
How to Find Your Own Clitoris (Without Feeling Weird About It)
The standard advice for finding your clitoris is to sit on the edge of the bed and use a hand mirror. This can feel clinical and unsexy. Try these expert-backed methods instead:
- Take a "Velfie." Instead of awkwardly holding a mirror, Canadian sexologist Dr. Trina Read recommends taking a private photo of your vulva on your phone. "When you add on music, and good lighting, you've got a vulva party," she says.
- Focus on feel, not sight. You don't actually need to see it to find it. Certified sexuality educator Byrd Aruna suggests starting with curious exploration. Think gentle tapping, circling, or resting your fingers nearby rather than poking or pressing. Look for a distinct sensation difference, like heightened sensitivity, warmth, or a pleasant "zing."
- Think outside the button. Licensed sexologist Sofie Roos advises thinking about the clitoris as a whole area that needs time and patience to be discovered rather than just "a spot." Try putting light, careful pressure just over the clitoral glans against your stomach, or what we call the pubic bone.
How to Find Your Partner's Clitoris
If you're exploring a partner's body, the best tool you have is your voice. Every person's anatomy is different, so you don't need to be embarrassed to ask for directions.
Start by asking where they like to be touched. Once you have consent, use your fingers with a little bit of lubricant to gently rub up and down the slit of the vulva. As you move toward the 12 o'clock position, you should feel the small nub beneath the skin.
Most importantly, don't start aggressively searching the second clothes come off. Spend time getting them in the mood by kissing, dirty talk, or touching the body first. As they get turned on, their clitoris will naturally swell and peek out from under its hood, making it much easier for you to find. When exploring, Aruna recommends focusing on positive feedback rather than correcting what's wrong: "That pressure is perfect, can you stay right there?"