If you’ve been feeling less interested in sex than usual lately, you’re in good company. About one in three women (between the ages of 30 and 59) report experiencing a dip in their desire. Sometimes, the cause is obvious — work stress, family drama, or recent illness — but other times, it just happens. While you're well within your rights to wait it out, you don't have to unless you want to. If you're asking how to increase libido, there are real, effective steps you can take.
First, why is my sex drive low?
A low libido in women is rarely about just one thing. It's often a complex mix of physical, mental, and emotional factors. Understanding the potential causes is the first step to addressing it.
According to experts at the Mayo Clinic, common causes can include:
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Physical Issues: Medical conditions like thyroid problems or diabetes, hormonal changes (especially during menopause), and even vaginal dryness that makes sex uncomfortable can all lower your desire.
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Medications: Certain medications, particularly antidepressants like SSRIs (such as Prozac or Paxil), are well-known for their potential to lower sex drive.
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Mental Health: Stress is a major libido killer. When your mind is preoccupied with work, finances, or daily hassles, sex can fall to the bottom of the priority list. Depression and anxiety can also play a huge role.
- Relationship Factors: Unresolved conflicts or a feeling of emotional distance from your partner can directly impact your desire for physical intimacy.
How to increase your libido: 5 expert tips
Boosting your sex drive is about holistic wellness. It involves caring for your body, your mind, and your relationships. Here are five science-backed ways to get started.
1. Talk to a professional
If you suspect a medical issue or medication is to blame for your low libido, it's always a good idea to talk to your doctor. They can check for underlying conditions, review your medications, and discuss potential treatments like hormone therapy if appropriate. Similarly, a sex therapist or counselor can help you work through any emotional or relationship factors that might be holding you back.
2. Focus on your lifestyle
Healthy habits can make a huge difference in your desire for sex. Regular exercise, for example, can increase your stamina, improve your body image, and lift your mood — all of which boost your libido. Finding healthy ways to manage stress, like journaling or meditation, can quiet your mind and lower cortisol (the stress hormone). Finally, cutting back on habits like smoking or excessive drinking can also help bring your sex drive back online.
3. Reconnect with your partner
If you're in a relationship, a strong emotional connection is often the best foreplay. Start by talking openly with your partner about what’s going on so they know it’s not about them. When life gets busy, romance can take a backseat. Make an effort to schedule a real date night to unwind and get back into the swing of things.
4. Spice up your sex life
Sometimes a low libido is simply a sign of routine. This is the perfect excuse to think outside the box. Try a new position, a different time of day, or a new location for sex. You can also bring one of your favorite sex toys into the bedroom to experiment with together. A versatile wand vibrator like the Ultra Wand can be a great tool for exploring what feels good for both of you.
5. Prioritize solo time
It might seem counterintuitive, but masturbating is one of the best ways to reboot your libido when you're not in the mood. The more orgasms you have, the more you’ll want to have, especially once your body gets used to that release again. There’s also a lot less pressure when it’s just you. Consider investing in a new, approachable toy like the Stubby to make your solo sessions even more fun.
Libido issues happen to the best of us, but you don’t have to let them control your life or your relationship. The most important step in learning how to increase libido is being patient and kind to yourself. You’ll be back to feeling like your sexy self before you know it.