We all masturbate. It’s a normal, healthy part of life. But while a speedy orgasm to blow off steam is great, there's a way to go deeper. Enter mindful masturbation: the self-love practice that’s all about having more sensual and intense orgasms by being fully present with your body. It's about turning a quickie into a ritual. If that sounds a little too kumbaya for you, don't worry. We've got you covered with a practical guide to this powerful self-care trend.
What are the benefits of mindful masturbation?
When you take the time to be truly present with your pleasure, you’re doing more than just getting off. You’re cultivating a deeper connection with yourself. The benefits include:
- Assists you in unwinding and de-stressing
- Increases your sexual confidence
- Reduces anxiety
- Deepens your experience of pleasure
- Nurtures desire
How to practice mindful masturbation: a 9-step guide
Ready to deepen the connection with yourself? Remember, this practice is about slowing down and tuning into your sensations — it doesn't have to be anything elaborate. Follow these guidelines to get started.
1. Set a clear intention
The goal here isn't just to have an orgasm. Your intention is to explore your body, discover new sensations, and be present with yourself without pressure. Forget the finish line and focus on the journey. This simple mental shift is the most important part of the practice.
2. Create a sensual ambiance
Set the scene to help you relax. Light a few candles, put on a playlist that gets you in the mood, or even just open a window for some fresh air. You're establishing a comfortable atmosphere that signals to your brain that it's time to focus on pleasure.
3. Schedule uninterrupted time
The quickest way to ruin the mood is to be interrupted. Schedule about 30 minutes where you know you won't be disturbed. This might be longer than your average solo session, but you'll have a lot of ground to cover.
4. Gather your tools
Prepare everything you might want ahead of time — lubricants, towels, and any toys you're curious about. That way, once you're in the zone, you won't have to stop. For this kind of exploratory play, a versatile toy like the Poly, which can be used for both internal and external stimulation, is a great option.
5. Quiet your mind and focus on the present
Being present is sometimes easier said than done. Take a few minutes before you begin to bring any anxious or stressed thoughts under control. If you don't have a go-to strategy, try focusing on your breathing for a few minutes until your mind feels quieter.
6. Explore your whole body
Instead of going straight for your clitoris, start by exploring other erogenous zones from head to toe. See how your nipples, stomach, or inner thighs react to different kinds of touch. If you're used to stroking, try scratching, squeezing, or tickling. This helps you realize that your entire body is a source of pleasure.
7. Skip the porn in favor of your own fantasy
While porn is great, for this exercise, try to skip it. The goal of mindful masturbation is to figure out what genuinely turns you on, not what you're seeing on a screen. Allow your own thoughts to roam and awaken your deepest desires.
8. Get creative with visualization
As you explore, try to visualize the sensations. You can envision each touch as a different color on your skin, paying attention to the hues that feel the most pleasurable. If colors don't work for you, picture your body as a heat map and identify where your enjoyment is the greatest.
9. Reflect on the experience
When you're finished — after an orgasm or whenever you choose — take a moment to reflect. Without touching yourself, think about the experience. What did you learn? What felt new or surprising? Identifying what you enjoyed most will help you draw on that knowledge later, both in solo and partnered sex.
Mindful masturbation is a practice. No partner is required, and neither is an explanation. It’s a moment that is entirely about you. The more time you spend exploring your own body and pleasure, the stronger and healthier your relationship with your sexuality will become. Go on, you deserve it.