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How to Take the Guesswork Out of Having an Orgasm

July 8, 2020

Sexual Health|

Although regular orgasms come more easily for some women than others, it’s rare to be able to have one at the drop of a hat. According to research, only about 18 percent of women can reach orgasm through intercourse without any additional stimulation involved. An additional 10 percent report being unable to reach orgasm at all, regardless of stimulation type.

Of course, good sex is (and should be) about more than having an orgasm, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be trying for one if you’re interested. Orgasms are too good to miss out on, so figuring out how to have one when you’re craving it is well worthwhile. Here are a few things to keep in mind.

It’s normal not to have one via penetrative sex alone.

Remember, less than 20 percent of women say they’re capable of orgasming solely via penetrative sex. That means the other 80 percent need some additional type of stimulation to get the job done, so let go of the idea that there’s something wrong with you if penetration alone isn’t doing it for you. It’s not only normal. It’s quite literally the way things are for most women, so don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Treat yourself to frequent solo sessions.

Society is more accepting of female masturbation than it used to be, but it’s not quite as open-minded as it should be yet. Many women still hesitate when it comes to touching themselves as a result, but they shouldn’t. A good solo session isn’t just a great way to empower yourself and take control of your pleasure. It’s the best way to discover what types of touch bring you the most pleasure, particularly when orgasm is the goal. Partake in as many of them as you like and communicate what you learn to your partner (if you have one).

Invest in a better vibrator.

A vibrator is any woman’s best friend when it comes to enjoying as many orgasms on-demand as she’d like and even the cheapest, most basic option on the market is fine when you’re first learning the ropes. Eventually, you’ll want to upgrade to something better though, especially if you’re serious about maximizing your pleasure. FemmeFunn is just one terrific example of a luxury vibrator brand that’s dedicated to helping women reach their full pleasure potential. Their catalog is filled with options considered essentials by toy connoisseurs everywhere (e.g. the Essenza, the Ultra Wand, and the Momenta).

Tap into your fantasies and explore them.

A rich fantasy life and the pleasure potential of an orgasm go hand in hand, so don’t be afraid to get better acquainted with what gets you going. What kinds of things turn you on? What types of thoughts pop into your head when you’re down to get dirty? Are you the type who likes to reflect on real sex you’ve had in the past or do you prefer watching porn and reading erotica? Spending more time thinking about things that turn you on, absorbing sexy multimedia, and letting your imagination run wild – especially while you’re masturbating or having sex – is a fun and effective way to help orgasms come more easily to you.

Let sex be about you sometimes.

Most women are socialized to put the happiness and wellbeing of other people ahead of their own. This thinking frequently follows women into the bedroom, especially if they have male partners, and it can affect their ability to get lost in the moment thoroughly enough to make orgasms a serious possibility. Keep in mind that there are two people involved when you’re getting down and dirty with your partner. You’re one of them, so make sure you’re prioritizing your pleasure to the same degree as theirs. And for the record, it’s OK if sometimes it’s all about you.

Don’t wait for your partner to “give” you an orgasm.

Many women still think of an orgasm as something their partner gives them and they shouldn’t. Not only does that lead to a belief that it’s someone else’s responsibility to get you there, but it gets in the way of that happening. Don’t leave it to your partner to give you that big finish when you want one. Give them some naughty direction via a little targeted dirty talk. Get handsy with yourself. Bring one of your favorite toys into the bedroom and make it part of the action. Your partner will likely find your eagerness smoking hot, so don’t be afraid to let loose.

Getting to know your body and being your partner’s guide as they start to do the same is the best way to make sex better for both of you. After all, orgasms are for everyone, you included. Don’t be afraid to get yours when you want it.

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