What to Do When Your Partner Isn’t Comfortable with Your Vibrator

Thankfully people in general are pretty woke these days when it comes to vibrators and other sex toys. However, there are still a lot of myths circulating out there, so it only stands to reason that you’ll run into the occasional naysayer. It’s just tough when the naysayer in question happens to be your partner. So what do you do when you realize your current relationship partner or bedmate has an issue with your vibrator?

Talk Things Out

As is the case with most relationship snags, a good talk is always a solid place to start if your partner isn’t comfortable with your vibrator. Resist the urge to get angry or defensive yourself. Instead, ask them to explain why they feel the way they do and listen patiently. The chances are excellent that they believe in one or more of the following common misconceptions about vibrators. Gently setting them straight might well solve the problem.

“Needing a vibrator means something’s wrong with your sex life.”

 At the end of the day, it’s just a fact that most women have trouble reaching orgasm, especially via intercourse alone. This is normal. There’s nothing wrong with her, there’s nothing wrong with her partner, and there’s nothing wrong with the sex she’s having. A vibrator simply makes having an orgasm easier for any woman, whether she’s with her partner or flying solo.

“You might start preferring the vibrator to partnered sex.”

 As awesome as vibrators are, they’re no substitute for a flesh and blood partner. They can’t kiss you, touch you with tenderness, or hold you close after you’re done making love. Using a vibrator to get off is a completely different experience from sex with a real, live person to whom you feel connected, and it could never replace it.

“Your body can become addicted to your vibrator and ruin you for partnered sex.”

 This quite simply isn’t true. Vibrators deliver the intense, targeted stimulation many women need to reach orgasm and/or fully explore their potential for sexual pleasure. They don’t ruin her ability to respond to a partner or to any other type of stimulation. If anything, they make that easier by teaching her what types of touch actually make her orgasm.

As you can see, most people’s vibrator-related concerns are all about fear. To be more specific, they’re worried about being replaced or made obsolete when it comes to their partner’s sex life. Addressing misconceptions can help with this, as can exploring additional solutions together.

Try Using It Together

Some couples prefer to keep their solo sex lives completely separate from their sex lives with one another, and it’s fine if that’s ultimately what you and your partner decide to do. However, you may find that the idea of you using a vibrator excites your partner once they truly understand why you have one. That’s a perfect opportunity to suggest using it together.

• Offer to put on a sexy little show for your partner that involves your vibrator. Tell them you really want to show them what you like to do to yourself when you’re alone. Make sure they know they’re welcome to join in or try using your vibe to pleasure you.
• Your vibrator is just as capable of pleasuring your partner’s body as it is yours, and this is the case regardless of their gender. If they’re game, ask them if you can try your vibrator out on them. Not only will they discover some incredible new sensations if they’re new to sex toys, but it’ll make it even easier to understand why you love your vibe so much.
• Try placing your vibrator between the two of you as you make love sometime. It will enhance the experience for both of you, as well as make it easier for both of you to orgasm. Your partner may even find it’s a relief not to feel like all the pressure to make you orgasm is on them.

Take Things to the Next Level

Once you’ve used your vibe as a couple a few times, why not have a talk about continuing to experiment with different sex toys? Talk about what you each like most about the intensity vibrators bring to the table, and use what you find out about one another to plan future encounters. Log on to your favorite online sex shop as a couple, and shop the offerings together to get a better feel for what’s available.

Not all vibrators are insertive or phallic in nature. In fact, bullet vibes and similar alternatives are ideal for stimulating any body part you like, so they’re wonderful for exploring. As you can see, a partner’s misconceptions about your vibrator don’t have to spell the end of your relationship. In fact, that first discussion could spell the beginning of an adventurous new sex life together.