Oral sex can be the absolute pinnacle of orgasmic pleasure, an incredible act of intimacy and release. Yet, for many people, performance anxiety can get in the way. Thoughts like "Am I doing this right?" or "I hope they’re enjoying this" can take you out of the moment. Whether you're giving or receiving, the key is to stay present and enthusiastic, and that’s easier said than done when you're not feeling confident.
That’s exactly where we come in. This is your definitive guide on how to have oral sex. We've got the super sexy (and helpful) tips to help you get ahead and level up your game.
The mindset: how to enjoy oral sex more
Before we get into techniques, let's talk about what's going on in your head. Great oral sex starts with the right mindset.
- Let Go of Anxiety: The most important thing is that your partner senses your genuine desire and enthusiasm. If you're not into it, the act becomes mechanical. Only perform oral sex when you are genuinely turned on and want to be there.
- Communicate Everything: You can't read each other's minds. If you’re stuck for words, try saying something like, ‘It's so hot when you…’ or ‘I'd love it if you'd try…’. Talking is simple, and it's the key to making sure everyone is having a good time.
- Allow Your Fantasies to Go Wild: Allowing sexy thoughts to surface while you’re engaged in oral sex will help you enjoy the act in a way that truly turns you on. It’s a win-win.
For the giver: how to give amazing oral sex
Ready to rock your partner's world? These techniques will help you master the art of going down.
Tips for cunnilingus (going down on a vulva)
- Take It Slow: Don't rush straight to the clitoris. Take time to explore and kiss their whole body, especially the inner thighs, to build anticipation and help you both be fully present.
- Use Your Breath: Before making direct contact, try breathing warmly on their sensitive skin. The suspense and temperature change can be incredibly arousing.
- Try the Kivin Method: Instead of approaching the clitoris from the top (north), have your partner lie perpendicularly to you. This allows you to lick from side to side, a game-changing sensation for many women.
Tips for fellatio (going down on a penis)
- Keep It Wet: Dry mouth is the enemy of great head. Keep some mints or gum containing xylitol on your bedside table to help jumpstart saliva production if you need it.
- Use Your Hands: Don't forget that you have hands! Use them to stroke the shaft or gently cup the testicles while your mouth is busy.
- Try Deep Throating (With Consent): This isn't for everyone, and you should only do it if you're 100% comfortable. For some, going deeper can be an intense sensation for both the giver and receiver.
For the receiver: how to have a better time receiving
Sometimes, receiving oral sex can be harder than giving it. If you struggle to relax and get out of your head, these tips are for you.
- Practice Good Hygiene: While all genitals have a natural scent that is perfectly normal, knowing you're clean can alleviate a major source of anxiety. A quick rinse beforehand can help you feel more confident and comfortable.
- Let Go of the Pressure: Focus on the sensations of the moment rather than chasing an orgasm. The less pressure you put on yourself to "perform," the more likely you are to relax and actually enjoy it.
- Guide Your Partner: Your partner wants to please you, but they can't read your mind. Use your words ("a little faster" or "right there") or your body (gently guiding their head with your hands) to show them what feels good.
Leveling up: advanced oral sex ideas
Once you've mastered the basics, you can get creative and add new layers of pleasure to your oral sex game.
- Try the 69 Position: The classic 69 position is the ultimate act of shared pleasure. It shifts the focus away from a "performance" and onto mutual connection and enjoyment.
- Incorporate Sex Toys: A vibrator can add a new dimension. Try using a toy like the Ultra Wand on the clitoris while giving oral to a partner with a penis. For an incredibly realistic tongue-like sensation, a toy like the Versa T is a game-changer.
- Use a Blindfold: Blindfolding your partner can heighten their other senses, making every lick and touch feel even more intense.
- Explore Analingus (Rimming): Analingus is the act of pleasuring the anus orally. Many people of all genders find this incredibly pleasurable. As with any sex act, ensure everything is clean, and then feel free to explore.
Whether you’re giving or receiving, great oral sex comes down to three things: enthusiasm, communication, and a willingness to explore. If you decide to head to the land down under, make sure you want to be there — and then show them how much you want it.