These days, sex and dating don’t have to be about traditional monogamy unless you want them to be. The world is filled with interesting people, so it’s understandable that you might not want to limit yourself to just one. But there’s a fine art to successfully dating multiple people at once. Here’s how to date multiple people without stepping on any toes along the way.
Is it okay to date multiple people?
Let's get this out of the way first: yes, it is absolutely okay to date multiple people. The days when there was only one “proper” approach to dating are over. The only rule that matters is that you are ethical, honest, and respectful to everyone involved. As long as you're not lying or leading people on, you are free to make your own rules.
How to date multiple people ethically: a 5-step guide
If you're ready to explore dating more than one person, following these steps will help you do it in a way that’s respectful to both yourself and your partners.
Step 1: Figure out what you actually want
First thing’s first. You need to be clear with yourself before you can be clear with anyone else. Are you strictly interested in casual dating and no-strings-attached sex? Would you be open to a committed relationship if the right person came along? Think long and hard about why you want to date multiple people. If it’s to explore your options or because it feels like a good fit for your life right now, carry on. If it’s to boost your ego or get over an ex, it’s probably not a good idea.
Step 2: Be radically honest with everyone
This is the most important rule. You must be honest with other people about where you stand and what you’re looking for. If you’re already seeing other people when you start seeing someone new, tell them. If you’re not looking for anything serious, tell them that too. If someone isn’t okay with being one of several people on your radar, they’re not the right choice for you anyway. The goal is to find people who are looking for the same things you are.
Step 3: Prioritize safe sex, always
It should go without saying, but when you're dating multiple people, responsible safe sex practices are non-negotiable. Always use proper protection, and don’t ever count on the other person to have it — be prepared with your own. Don’t forget that condoms are good for more than just penises. You can slip one onto your favorite sex toy, like the FemmeFunn Cadenza, if you’re in the mood to share some good vibrations. This keeps things extra safe and hygienic.
Step 4: Have a plan for catching feelings
Be aware that sometimes, feelings happen. You could be uninterested in anything serious one day, only to develop a special connection with one of the people you’re dating the next. Alternatively, someone you’re seeing could develop deeper feelings for you. Feelings on either end are a sign that it’s time to reevaluate and have another honest conversation. Unreciprocated feelings can complicate things, and it may be best to end that specific connection to avoid anyone getting hurt.
Step 5: Don’t overextend yourself
When you’re dating more than one person, it might be tempting to say yes to every opportunity. Be careful not to overextend yourself. Even if things are casual, it’s important to treat people with respect, and no one likes feeling like they’re constantly being canceled on in favor of someone else. Juggling too many people can become stressful and defeat the purpose of a free and open dating life.
If you’re an open, honest person who genuinely loves connecting with different people, you may find that you love dating multiple people. The key to making it work is to stay communicative with everyone involved and be respectful of their feelings. When done right, it can be an incredibly fun and fulfilling lifestyle.