Is My Sex Life Really Healthy and Normal?

It’s something everyone wonders from time to time (and a lot more often than you think) – how their sex life stacks up against the average person’s. They wonder whether they’re too obsessed with sex, whether there’s enough of it in their relationship, and whether or not their preferences are normal. Like everyone, people know they want a sex life that’s healthy, happy, and in line with the norm. What they don’t know is what that would actually look like. Here are a few indicators to keep in mind.

Both Partners Are Comfortable and Satisfied

At the end of the day, there’s no magic number of times you and your partner have to be doing it for your sex life together to be considered healthy. There’s no benchmark you need to meet in order to be considered “adventurous enough” either. Just think about your answers to the following questions.

  • Do both of you feel your needs are being met?
  • Do both of you feel you try enough new things and enjoy the things you do try?
  • Does the quality and frequency of the sex in your relationship feel like enough to both of you?
  • Does each of you give and receive as needed and desired in the bedroom?

If you can answer an honest “yes” to each of those questions, then it’s safe to say that your sex life is normal, happy, and healthy. Everyone’s ideal is different. Some couples are happiest when they’re swinging from the chandeliers every night and going to sex clubs on the weekends, but that hardly means there’s something wrong with couples who aren’t into that. Ultimately, “healthy” is about what feels exciting, fulfilling, and satisfying to you.

Neither Partner Feels Pressured, Judged, or Pushed

There’s no room in a happy, healthy sexual relationship for abuse or pressure of any kind when it comes to sex. Never at any time does someone have the right to say or imply that their partner is inadequate in any way. No one should ever be told that they ought to be “different” in bed or find themselves compared to past partners.  Neither partner should ever feel required to participate in any sex act that makes them uncomfortable or uneasy either.

Healthy, happy couples see the bedroom they share as a safe space where they’re free to be themselves sexually. Yes, they want to enjoy themselves, but not at their partner’s expense. They understand that sex should be mutually fulfilling – a way for them to grow closer together in their respect, intimacy, and love for one another. Sex should never be used a way to control, abuse, shame, or punish one another.

Communication Is Frequent and Free-Flowing

Communication is an essential part of any relationship, both in and out of the bedroom. Without it, there’s no real way to know for sure whether the other person is happy with the way things are, so it needs to be happening comfortably and often. Healthy, happy sexual relationships involve people who can:

  • Speak freely and frankly about sex on every level.
  • Discuss fantasies without fear of judgment, up to and including the possibility of bringing them to life (or not).
  • Speak up regarding things they don’t like, trusting that they’ll be heard.
  • Bring up suggestions as to things they’d like to try or explore together.
  • Ask for what they truly need in bed, secure in the knowledge that their partner genuinely wants to know.

If you and your partner can do all of the above, it’s pretty safe to say that the two of you have a healthy, happy sex life.

Both Partners Are Curious and Willing to Explore

While it’s fine to be happy with your sex life and to feel all of your needs are being met, it’s important not to get stuck in a rut. A willingness to try new things and explore from time to time is a sign that not only is your sex life stable, but thriving and growing as well. Experimentation keeps things from getting stale, keeps the two of you connected, and ensures the energy between you remains electric.

Again, there’s no right or wrong way to experiment in the bedroom. You ultimately set the limits and decide what goes, so explore within the boundaries the two of you are comfortable with. Try some new positions on for size, or switch things up when it comes to location. Start a toy chest and fill it with options that you shop for together. Take turns suggesting new sensations or techniques you’d like to explore together as well.

At the end of the day, there’s no right or wrong way to run your sex life, and no two couples are ever going to be alike. If you’re both happy and satisfied, you can rest easy in the knowledge that your sex life is healthy.