Whether you’re single, in a relationship, or somewhere in between the two, it’s only natural to wonder from time to time whether your sex life is normal and healthy. Is it possible to have sex too little or too often? Is there an ideal amount of sex all people should be shooting for?
The fact of the matter is sex is awesome and it can be a wonderful, rewarding part of a fabulous life well-lived. That doesn’t necessarily mean there aren’t limits to what’s healthy though. Balance looks a little different for everyone. The following are some surefire signs that you’ve struck a balance that works for you.
1. Sex isn’t the only time you feel connected to your partner.
There’s nothing wrong with having lots of sex with your partner, especially when your relationship is still brand new. There’s nothing wrong with obsessing a little over sex that’s toe-curling either. You shouldn’t need to be all tangled up between the sheets to feel connected to the other person though.
Someone with a healthy, balanced sex life enjoys getting busy with their partner – sometimes as often as possible. However, the sex is more like the icing on the cake as opposed to the whole reason for being together. Sex should enhance something that’s already awesome.
2. You’re coming out of it completely satisfied.
While it’s perfectly fine to have nights where you want to make it all about your partner, that’s not how it should be as a rule. Remember, there are two people involved when you’re getting down and dirty together and you’re one of them.
That said, people with balanced sex lives are coming out of their encounters fully satisfied. You don’t necessarily have to have multiple mind-blowing orgasms every time, but you should feel sexually fulfilled after you’re done, whatever that means to you.
3. You’re comfortable with your body and your sexuality.
A healthy relationship with one’s sensuality and a balanced sex life go hand in hand. If you’re not at peace with your body or you’re uncomfortable with any aspect of how it functions sexually, it makes sense that some of those issues might affect what’s going on between the sheets.
Whether or not you’re in a sexual relationship with someone else right now, it’s a good idea to spend plenty of sensual time alone with yourself, especially if you’re still learning how your body likes to be touched. Invest in an amazing luxury sex toy (or a couple of them) and make a pointed effort to explore how your body experiences pleasure.
4. You’re comfortable talking to your partner about sex.
Not everyone is super comfortable talking freely to anyone and everyone about sex, but frank communication with a partner is a key part of building a balanced, mutually satisfying sex life together. People with a healthy approach to sex, partnered or otherwise, are capable of not only asking for what they want in bed but giving honest feedback about how everything’s going.
How good are you about letting your partner know when they’ve done a particularly good job of satisfying you? Are you just as comfortable giving them gentle, compassionate guidance as to how they can please you more thoroughly? Do both of you feel comfortable expressing desires and coming up with new ideas to try together?
5. You’re taking care of your sexual health.
Cultivating a healthy, balanced approach to sex is about more than being uninhibited in bed or knowing how to put your vibrator through its paces. It’s also about taking care of your body from a health standpoint, as well as approaching the things you do (with a partner or on your own) from a responsible place.
Do you religiously use a condom every time you have sex outside of a monogamous relationship context? Do you make it a point to get tested for STDs regularly, as well as show up for your regularly scheduled sexual health check-ups? Do you thoroughly clean your sex toys after each use and store them with care?
6. Your instincts tell you you’ve hit the right balance.
Perhaps the best and most important sign that you’ve struck the right balance with your own sex life is that you feel you have. Whether you have sex multiple times a day or only every once in a while, it feels like “enough” to you and you’re happy with that frequency. You’re satisfied sexually, you’re comfortable with your body, and you’re staying excited about what you’re doing, whether you’re with someone or flying solo.
When approached from the right place, sex is good for both the body and the soul. If you’re happy with how your sex life is going, then the chances are excellent that nothing needs to change.