How to Know Whether You’re Sexually Frustrated (and What to Do About It)

Dry spells and sexual low points happen to even the lustiest, most passionate people from time to time, so they’re nothing to be ashamed of. Sometimes you’re more than OK riding them out until things resolve themselves on their own, but what about the times you’re not? Should you try to speed things along, or is it better to just relax and be patient? How can you tell you’ve reached full-on sexual frustration territory, and what should you do about it if you have? The following can help you figure things out.

Why It’s Important to Recognize Sexual Frustration

Sexual frustration can be a toxic force in anyone’s life, as it makes it hard to focus on the business of living. It can be difficult to buckle down the way you should at work and make you absent-minded when it comes to your social obligations. It can be rough on the old self-esteem as well, especially if it really has been a long time.

If you’re in a relationship, there’s even more at stake. When you’re sexually frustrated, it’s all too easy to become annoyed, bitter, and resentful on a level that can threaten what you have with your partner. Sex is a basic biological need, so it’s understandable that you’d be a little cranky if that need isn’t being met. Dealing with sexual frustration head-on can get you back to feeling like yourself again and loving life with your usual gusto.

Recognizing the Signs of Sexual Frustration

Not totally sure what sexual frustration looks like or feels like? Don’t worry. You’re not alone. Although it expresses itself differently for everyone, the following are pretty sure signs you might be dealing with it yourself, especially if you recognize more than one.

  • Just Plain Giving Up
    Giving up on sex altogether looks different for everyone. For some, it looks like trying to resign yourself to the fact that you’re just too old, too busy, or too whatever to care about getting laid anymore. For others, it looks like faux empowerment – “I don’t need sex to feel good about myself.” Most people are sexual beings and do need a sex life in order to feel whole and healthy, so thought patterns that suggest giving up altogether are definitely red flags.
  • Feelings of Jealousy
    Even if you’re not normally the type to be concerned with other people’s relationships or sex lives, sexual frustration has a way of waking up the green-eyed monster anyway. If you’ve been feeling uncharacteristically disgusted with friends and acquaintances for having great sex or active romantic lives, sexual frustration could be the reason why.
  • Lukewarm Sexual Experiences
    Just in case you were wondering, it’s entirely possible to be sexually frustrated while still actually having sex on a regular basis. Is the sex you’re having unsatisfying or boring to the point where you’d honestly rather not? The chances are pretty good that sexual frustration is part of the equation.
  • Persistent Anger or Restlessness
    Chronic frustration of any kind can leave you feeling really wound up and like you’re on a short emotional fuse all the time, sexual frustration included. If your sex life has left you feeling over-sensitive, angry, irritable, or like you’re ready to snap (or cry) over any little thing, it could be time to act.

Overcoming Sexual Frustration

Thankfully, managing that uncomfortable “ants in the pants” feeling is easier than you think. The following tips can help you relieve some of the tension and get back to feeling like your old, sexy self again in no time.

  • Solo Sessions
    Rebooting things in the self-service department can help with sexual frustration on multiple levels. Of course, there’s the obvious – the healing qualities a seriously toe-curling orgasm (or two, or three) can bring to the table. However, putting a little more thought and care into how you masturbate can teach you more about how you like to experience pleasure as well. Try treating yourself to a brand-new luxury vibrator that can introduce you to some new sensations and help you get excited about being sexual again.
  • Focus on Arousal
    Getting back in touch with the sexual side of yourself is about more than just feeling physically turned on. Arousal actually starts in the mind, especially for women. Make sure you’re making enough time to take care of you and engage in the little routines that help you feel sexy and desirable. Think doing your makeup, having your hair done, or putting on your favorite lingerie “just because”!

Talking things out can be incredibly helpful as well, whether that means discussing possible solutions with a partner, venting to friends who have been there, or even talking to a sex therapist. Whatever solution you decide on, be patient with yourself and make plenty of time for self-care. You’ll have your groove back before you know it.