If you’re like most people, you might be of the mind that you should never keep secrets from a spouse or significant other, and you’re right for the most part. People in relationships should always feel at ease speaking frankly with a partner, even when it comes to tough topics. However, there are many good things in life that’s it’s wholly possible to have too much of, and honesty is definitely one of them.
There’s also a huge difference between lying to your partner or deliberately keeping critical information from them and understanding that some things are probably better kept to one’s self. The following are some excellent examples of things that may be better left unsaid.
1. Where They Rank as a Lover
Some of us are incredibly lucky in that we settled down with the person who’s also the absolute best we’ve ever had when it comes to sex. However, that’s simply not the case for everyone. If your partner doesn’t happen to be your number one, you naturally don’t love them any less for that, and it hardly means that they aren’t phenomenal in the sack. Literally no one wants to hear that from the person they love though, even if it’s the truth. In fact, such confessions can irreparably damage your relationship, so definitely keep this secret to yourself.
2. Details of Your Sexual Past
If something about your intimate past has given you cause to be concerned about your sexual health, then you should absolutely communicate that to your partner. Otherwise, this is a topic that it’s definitely OK to keep secret when it comes to your relationship. Your partner doesn’t need to know your “number”, nor do you need to know theirs. You shouldn’t feel obligated to share graphic, X-rated details about any past sexual encounters you’ve had with other people, even if the topic comes up on its own someday. “Don’t ask, don’t tell” is actually a great stance to take here.
3. Personal Opinions About Close Family
Two people in a relationship rarely to never like everything about every single member of the other person’s family or friends, and it’s unlikely that’s any less the case for you and your partner. In rare cases where you’re dealing with serious issues, it might be best to bring up your concerns, but usually it’s just best to keep opinions about parents, siblings, or even best friends off the table. Your partner is probably every bit as protective of their loved ones as you are of yours, so you’re unlikely to get them to see things your way.
4. What You Fantasize About in Private
Sharing your fantasies with your partner can be a wonderful way to deepen intimacy and take your sex life as a couple to the next level, especially if you know your partner is open to making a fantasy come true for you. However, you’re under no obligation to spill the beans unless you really want to. How a person likes to masturbate or who they like to fantasize about when they’re alone is pretty personal, so it’s completely OK to keep those things secret or just between you and your favorite vibrator.
5. Who Else You Find Attractive
Some people don’t mind hearing about their partner’s mad crush on Jason Momoa, Jessica Chastain, or even a coworker at the office, but others would simply rather not. Almost no one wants to hear that their partner finds their best friend or sibling super smoking hot, especially in graphic sexual detail. Unless you know your partner’s the rare sort that genuinely doesn’t mind, you might make them feel insecure. Of course, you can’t help who you find attractive, but you can help whether or not you express something that could hurt your partner’s feelings.
6. Reasons You Miss Your Ex Sometimes
Speaking of treading carefully when expressing attraction to others, it’s pretty much never a good idea to bring up why you really miss your ex at times. No one likes the experience of being compared to somebody else, especially if they come up short. Your current partner doesn’t need to know that you loved your ex’s cooking or got along a lot better with their family. That said, while it’s natural and normal to sometimes miss people we were once intimately connected to, keep in mind that those past relationships ended for a reason.
In conclusion, while it’s true that communication is the key to a healthy, happy relationship, it’s definitely possible to overshare. Converse freely and openly about the big things or anything that truly does concern the other person, but know which tidbits are probably better kept to yourself as well. In the end, your relationship will thank you for it.