First things first, let’s get one small detail out of the way. We all masturbate. Or, to be more precise, an overwhelming 78 percent of us do, according to the TENGA Global Self-Pleasure Report

Masturbation is clearly no longer (and should never be) a sordid sexual secret. It’s an imperative component of one’s emotional and physical well-being, which is why people are excited about a new masturbation fad.

Mindful masturbation is being hailed as the next self-love and self-care trend, which allows you to have more sensual and intense orgasms rather than fast bursts of pleasure.

While having a speedy orgasm is easy, proponents of mindful masturbation say it should be viewed as an art or spiritual activity that requires time and attention. Don’t fret if this all seems a little too kumbaya for you. 

In this article, we’ll discuss all you need to know about mindful masturbation, including its benefits and how to implement and use its magic in your life.

For those unfamiliar with the term, mindfulness is the practice of being present in the moment and being aware of your body, feelings, and various senses. It is the habit of becoming mindful and aware, of being present rather than distracted in the current moment.

But this involves taking mindfulness to the next level. Mindful masturbation is precisely what it sounds like: adopting a state of attention and awareness while having sex with yourself. And, while you don’t have to be mindful every time you masturbate (we all have busy lives and stuff to do), you should definitely engage in an occasional ritual of self-love. 

When applied to the way we please ourselves, it may help us go beyond a quickie, helping us develop a deeper connection with ourselves, leading to increased pleasure, improved bodily awareness, and a pleasant way to unwind. Essentially, it is the genuine self-care that we all require.

Mindful masturbation

What are some of the benefits of mindful masturbation?

  • Assists you in unwinding and de-stressing 
  • Increases your sexual confidence 
  • Reduces anxiety 
  • Deepens your pleasure 
  • Nurtures desire 

Spontaneous sex does not always occur; we must create daily rituals that bring everyday moments of sensuality into our lives.

We’re taught that loving yourself is narcissistic, but that’s just nonsense. Working on the connection with yourself is the most significant relationship you can work on. Mindful masturbation with a self-loving, exploring intention can help you feel more in touch with who you are, what you want, what you enjoy, and what you don’t like in the bedroom (and in life).

How do you go about it?

We frequently masturbate with sex toys in the same way, over and over. While this is perfectly fine, if you want to get a little something more out of your sex life, introducing mindful masturbation might be just what you need.

Starting with your hands is the best way to set things off. The next phase is to explore your body more holistically, so instead of focusing just on your vulva and clit, begin to explore other erogenous zones from head to toe. 

The objective is to be engaged, allowing yourself to feel every feeling and identifying what feels good and maybe not so good – in the future, this degree of understanding will allow for much better communication, allowing for truly enjoyable coupled sex.

Instead of concentrating solely on achieving the Big O, focus on your pleasure. Removing this objective relieves pressure and allows you to relax deeper into the present.  

Practicing Mindful Masturbation

Keen to deepen the connection with yourself using mindful masturbation? Start slowly, remembering that mindful masturbation is simply the act of slowing down and tuning into your sensations when having solo sex—it doesn’t have to be anything elaborate! Follow these guidelines to get started.

1. Forget orgasming and focus solely on discovery and pleasure.

This may seem a bit weird, seeing that this is probably not how you would typically masturbate – after all, one of the benefits of masturbating in the first place is that you know how to get yourself off. But that isn’t actually the point here! 

Mindful masturbation is intended to help you better understand your body, discover new emotions, and experiment with new ways of pleasing yourself. The ‘objective’ is to be able to claim, “I know my body pretty well. I’m aware of the toys and touches that appeal to me. I’ve spent time with it. I’m satisfied with myself.”

So, instead of aiming for orgasm, try to delay gratification by prolonging the sensation for as long as possible. You can do this by edging (getting close to coming and then resting before trying again) or avoiding the specific type of stimulation that you know gets you off.

2. Create an ambiance to set the tone

Light a few candles, play music or ambient noise to set the scene. Or, at the very least, declutter and open a window for some fresh air. We know this all may seem a bit excessive, but what you’re doing is establishing a comfortable atmosphere to concentrate on the work at hand.

Suppose you don’t have the foggiest clue where to start? Perhaps begin by curating a masturbation playlist comprising music that’s relaxing and gets you in the mood. Also, you may want to consider some sex toys like these.

It might also be a good idea to experiment in places other than on your bed. Try another room or the couch, for example. By changing things up a bit, you can avoid getting into a rut and keep the spark alive – yes, even with yourself!

3. Choose a time when you won’t be interrupted 

Believe it or not, the quickest way to ruin a good mood is having someone bang on your door because you’re a bit (ahem) loud or worse, walk in on you. You may want to schedule some time to spend roughly 30 minutes playing with yourself and enjoying the sensation. That may be a tad longer than your average solo sex session, but you’ll have a lot of ground to cover!

4. Make a point of preparing everything you’ll need ahead of time.

Experiment using toys, lubricants, towels, and so forth. That way, once you’re in the zone, you won’t have to stop and go find supplies. Try sticking to silicone-based lubricant for masturbation because it’s thicker unless you’re using devices that require something water-based.

5. Savor the moment by focussing on the present

Try some relaxation or meditation techniques that aren’t sexual if you’re having trouble focusing and quieting your thoughts. Often, being focused and present at the moment is sometimes easier said than done, so take a few minutes before you begin to bring any anxious or stressed thoughts under control. If you don’t have a go-to strategy, try focusing on your breathing or repeating a mantra.

6. Resist the lure of porn in favor of fantasy 

While listening or watching porn is perfectly acceptable while masturbating, give it a skip for this mindfulness exercise. Your body is less discerning than your mind when it comes to what excites it, so when you watch porn, you’re aroused by that stimulus  — not necessarily by things that genuinely turn you on. Since the whole idea here is to figure out what you enjoy and how your body reacts to it, porn defeats the object.

how to have mindful masturbation

7. Explore all of your erogenous zones 

You might think of it as foreplay to get yourself turned on, but you may also realize that you receive a lot of pleasure from places of your body you don’t regularly stimulate, such as your nipples or stomach. See how each erogenous zone reacts to various sorts of touch. Experiment with different kinds of contact. 

If you’re used to stroking or caressing, try scratching, squeezing, and tickling. That’s not to imply you shouldn’t spend time enjoying your genitals – because you really should! In all likelihood, you’ve probably not thoroughly explored them either, so use your fingers or toys to feel everything going on down there, focusing on any new sensations you uncover as you go along. You can try to orgasm after that if you like, but bonus points if you make it happen in a different way than you generally do.

8. Color your skin

As you explore, visualize your body in your mind, envision each touch or experience as a different color on your skin. Identify each hue so that you can stimulate more or less based on how the touches feel. If colors don’t work for you, envision your body as a heat map and identify where your enjoyment is the greatest.

9. Reflect on the experience

When you’re finished — after an orgasm or whenever you choose — take some time to think about what you’ve learned about your body. Take 15 seconds without touching yourself to reflect on the event thoroughly. Think about the orgasm you just had or the feelings you evoked, identifying the aspects you found more pleasurable so you can draw on them later. 

Then, if you’re up for it, start round two. Or you can simply feel like a rockstar with a stronger and healthier relationship with your body than ever before.

Strength comes from pulling your own strings.

With this practice, no partner is required, and neither is an explanation!

Make the moment about you; you don’t owe anybody anything. Never masturbated? Well, if you’ve got a hand, you’re in for a treat. Allow your thoughts to roam and awaken your deepest desires. Discover your essence and have fun with yourself. 

Go on, you deserve it!